Nerdland Page #4

- I'm sorry. That sounds interesting?

- Yeah.

ELLIOT:
I... I made that one up.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Welcome to Hamburger Junction.

Would you like to see our specials?

- Choo-choo.

- We'll need another minute. Thanks.

Do you know what this is?

It's a birthday card from my parents.

I'm 30 years old tomorrow.

Happy birthday.

No. Unhappy birthday.

After tomorrow, we're both 30, Elliot.

Do you know how old 30 is in Hollywood?

When you're in your 20s,

being an aimless loser is forgiven...

...it's even encouraged,

but not when you're in your 30s.

Oh, man, you can't give up.

I mean, 30 is the new 12.

Think of it that way.

I mean, you just... You just

have to believe in yourself.

Oh, please.

That's something your parents tell you.

Because if you think you can

become president...

...maybe you won't be a drug dealer

or a pimp.

Every time... Every time, John, there's

the slightest setback, you get like this.

I can... I can set my watch by it, man.

Remember your acting instructor?

Remember when he said there was

absolutely nothing he could teach you?

Remember that? You're damn right he did.

Didn't he practically throw you

out of his class that day?

That was his way of saying:

"Go. Get out.

Get out there and start acting."

And your screenwriting teacher, I mean,

he did call you his greatest student.

He spent all of those long

hours working with you.

Nights, at his condo, on his own time.

He'd still be mentoring you...

...if he hadn't been jailed

for providing alcohol to minors.

Exactly. Talent is not our problem.

You and I, and not to sound

a little pretentious here...

- ...we have got ass-loads of talent.

- That doesn't sound pretentious.

What we need is opportunity.

Yeah. Hello, world.

- Here we are. Thank you.

- You're f***ing up.

Look at the guy who created The Bloops.

He turned homemade

cartoon videos on the Internet...

...into an empire. The Bloops are everywhere.

Now there's even a Bloops charity

for disadvantaged kids.

God, I hate The Bloops.

What will it really take for us

to get a little face time with America?

I mean, nowadays, everyone's

posting videos online...

...of their dog farting or their kid burping.

[LAUGHING]

I love the one where

the burping kid's riding the farting dog.

Millions of folks around the world

are on the Internet...

...watching those infantile videos...

...on LOL WTF Tube and WoopsieDoopsie.com.

What's been missing

in everything we've attempted?

- Success.

- Newsworthiness.

TV and movie stars aren't enough anymore.

People love this kind of stuff.

They think "Maybe I'm next.

Maybe I'll fend off a criminal,

you know, or win the lottery...

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