Napoleon Dynamite

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[Birds Chirping]

## [Folk Pop]

## [Continues]

## [Continues]

## [Continues]

## [Continues]

## [Stops]

[Birds Chirping]

[Sighs]

[Vehicle Approaching]

What are you gonna do

today, Napoleon?

Whatever I feel like

I want to do. Gosh!

[Bell Rings]

[Woman]

Your current event, Napoleon.

Last week, Japanese scientists "explaced"--

placed explosive detonators

at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness...

to blow Nessie

out of the water.

[Girl Chuckles]

Sir Curt Godfrey

of the Nessie Alliance...

summoned the help of

Scotland's local wizards...

to cast a protective spell over the lake

and its local residents...

and all those who seek for

the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.

[Chattering]

[Grunts]

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Hey, Napoleon, what'd you do

all last summer again?

I told you. I spent it with my uncle

in Alaska hunting wolverines.

- Did you shoot any?

- Yes, like 50 of 'em.

They kept tryin' to attack my cousins. What

the heck would you do in a situation like that?

- What kind of gun did you use?

- A frickin' 12-gauge. What do you think?

You think you're funny?

Just watch your step.

- But I didn't--

- [Indistinct]

[Groaning]

[Phone Ringing In Distance]

Hey, could I use your guys's

phone for a sec?

- Is there anything wrong?

- I don't feel very good.

[Line Ringing]

[Phone Ringing]

- Hi.

- Is Grandma there?

No, she's getting

her hair done.

[Sighs]

- What do you need?

- Can you just go get her for me?

- I'm really busy right now.

- Well, just tell her to come get me.

- Why?

- 'Cause I don't feel good.

- Well, have you talked to the school nurse?

- No, she doesn't know anything.

- Will you just come get me?

- No.

Well, will you do me

a favor then?

- What?

- Can you bring me my ChapStick?

- No, Napoleon.

- But my lips hurt real bad.

Just borrow some from the school nurse.

I know she has, like, five sticks in her drawer.

I'm not gonna use hers,

you sicko.

- See ya.

- [Dial Tone]

[Groans]

Idiot!

[Woman On P.A.]

David Dempke, please come to the office.

[Woman On P.A.]

David Dempke, please come to the office.

- David Dempke.

- [Man] You do understand English?

This isn't that complex.

Look, the cafeteria's down the hall...

to the right and downstairs.

Hey, is that a new kid

or something?

Napoleon, this is Pedro.

Would you mind showing him

where his locker is?

Sure. Come on.

You know, there's, like,

a buttload of gangs at this school.

This one gang kept wanting me to join

'cause I'm pretty good with a bow staff.

Do you ride the bus

to school?

No. I ride my bike.

- What kind of bike do you have?

- It's a Sledgehammer.

Dang!

You got shocks, pegs.

Lucky!

You ever take it off

any sweet jumps?

[Dog Barking]

You got, like,

three feet of air that time.

Can I try it really quick?

[Groans]

Dang it!

[Groaning]

I love the way...

your sandy hair...

floats in the air.

To me it's like a lullaby.

I'm just flying by,

oh, so high...

like a kite

tied to a stake.

[Humming]

[Coughs]

How was school?

The worst day of my life.

What do you think?

- Well, I want you to go see

if Tina wants some of this.

- [Fly Buzzing]

[Sighs]

Kip hasn't done

flipping anything today.

Look, tonight me and your--

Kip, listen!

What?

Tonight me and your aunt are

gonna go visit some friends...

and we're not gonna

be back till tomorrow.

We're gettin' low on steak, so I got Lyle

comin' over tomorrow to take care of it.

- Well, what's there to eat?

- Knock it off, Napoleon.

Make yourself a dang

quesadilla!

- Fine!

- [Keys Jingling]

I'll be back tomorrow.

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