My Favorite Martian Page #6

with all this junk?

Everything has been carefully chosen

for its potential to fashion...

a crude vortex electron accelerator.

Except for this.

A pooper scooper.

I have no idea what it does,

but it's fascinating.

Excuse me. Where are your

nuclear implosion couplers?

For a garden hose?

I'm never going to get off

this infernal planet.

The I.Q. of a pancake.

You're right. Humans are truly

the amoebas of the universe!

Yeah, this from a guy

who talks to his tin foil suit.

-Hey, what was that for?

-It wasn't me, it was Zoot.

-Come here a sec.

Listen, you've been on Earth,

what, all of ten minutes?

-It's not so bad here.

- That's what Neenurt said.

-Who?

-Exactly. One of my planet's

most gifted scientists,

and now he's gone without a trace.

He arrived on Earth in 1964,

and, I presume, was abducted

by your government.

I shudder to think what they did to him

in the name of science.

-What are they laughing at?

- Hey, space man!

-I've been discovered!

-Sorry about that.

-Oh, my-

-What happened?

They don't know anything.

They were just making fun of your-

Making fun. I'm one of

the best-dressed beings on my planet.

Yo, Elvis! Nice suit.

Well, Dorothy, I hate to tell you this,

but you're not in Kansas any more.

That's great.

The minute I turn my back,

you're getting into

someone else's pants!

I need to blend in,

and you stand out like a putt

stick at a blackbell convention.

I should have known

by the way you've been gawking...

at every T-shirt

and sweat pant we pass.

-Don't come apart at the seams!

-Why is Zoot always the last to know?

-All right, all right, all right!

-Martian footage, take one.

-Zoot, this is tearing me apart too.

I know I'm not what I used to be.

I mean, a stretch mark here,

a line stain there.

-Hey!

-Pervert!

It's not safe

for a woman around here!

I'm ready to blend in now.

-Outstanding.

-Martin, that outfit looks ridic-

-Stylin', bro!

-Thanks, bro.

Real cool.

I've got the touch on two planets.

I gotta get out more.

How did your Zoot take the-

Zoot, he's highly intelligent.

He understands.

Aaaah!

You used me, you buttonhole!

-Go and have your fling.

Colours fade! You'll see!

-Hello?

-Huh? Oh, incoming.

Hello?

Man.

Oh, geez!

Talk about a tacky suit!

-Tacky, huh?

Hey! Hey! What?

-Now turn the other cheek.

-Ow! Hey!

-Catch you later, Spanky.

All right, I'm bustin' out!

-There.

-Go ahead, try 'em all on.

See if I care.

Whoa!

If love is a crime, lock me up!

I'm guilty.

Look at her.

A perfect size six,

and never been worn!

Darling, don't speak.

Just come to me.

Oh, this is crazy.

I'm a polymorph, and you're a polyester.

Yes, you're synthetic,

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