Murder by Death

Synopsis: Despite not knowing him, the world's most famous detectives can't pass up the offer of a "dinner and murder" invitation from wealthy Lionel Twain. Each has no idea until their arrival at Two Two Twain who else will be in attendance. Those detectives are: amateur sleuths and New York socialites Dick and Dora Charleston, accompanied by their pet terrier, Myron; Belgian detective Monsieur Milo Perrier, accompanied by his chauffeur, Marcel; Shanghainese Inspector Sidney Wang, accompanied by his Japanese adopted son, Willie Wang; frumpish Brit Miss Jessica Marbles, accompanied by her invalid nurse, Miss Withers; and San Francisco gumshoe Sam Diamond, accompanied by his femme fatale sidekick, Tess Skeffington. The dinner part of the invitation runs into problems due to the non-communication between Twain's blind butler, Jamesir Bensonmum, and Twain's new deaf-mute and non-Anglophone cook, Yetta. On the murder side, the guests initially believe Twain will try to kill each of them. However, Tw
Director(s): Robert Moore
Production: Sony Pictures Entertainment
  Nominated for 1 Golden Globe. Another 1 nomination.
Rotten Tomatoes:
94 min

- Do you think they'll come, sir?

- They'll come, all right.

Here. Stamp those and mail them.

It's ringing.

Would you walk Myron the other way?

My leg looks like a tree in this fog.

Come on.

What a godforsaken spot to get lost.

It's true. I saw a much better spot

a few miles back.



Tell them we're lost.

- The phone's dead.

- Why'd you say "hello"?

- I could've sworn-

- What?

- Sounded like somebody snipped the wire.

- Really?

What did it sound like?


- Some fog, eh, Pop?

- I've already heard the weather report.

Drive, please.

It's as thick as pea soup.

Not a soul around for miles.

Know what I think?

Perfect place for a murder.

Conversation like television set

on honeymoon:


Where are we going, anyway, Pop?

Who is this Mr. Twain?

What'd he mean, "dinner and a murder"?

Questions like athlete's foot:

After a while, very irritating.

To stop car, please.

- What's wrong?

- Stop car, please.

To shut engine off, please.


I don't hear nothing.

What do you hear?

- Double negative and dog.

- So it's a dog. So what?

If not mistaken... belong to Mr. Dick Charleston.

- Who's Dick Charleston?

- I am.

You don't happen to have seen

a little white- Wang!

A white Wang?

Sidney Wang! What are you

doing in this godforsaken spot?

No doubt, same as you.

Looking for bridge that lead

to home of host, Mr. Lionel Twain.

You too, huh?

Must be important to invite

two such detectives.

Excuse, please, to introduce

Japanese son, Willie.


But I thought-

Mrs. Wang and I

couldn't have children.

adopted number three son.

Careful on this road.

It's treacherous.

Treacherous road like fresh mushroom.

Must always-

Idiot! Not finish mushroom story.

You're idiot!

Sorry, but I see nothing.

This fog's as thick as bouillabaisse.

- Nuts!

- I beg your pardon?

Nuts, nuts! There are

no nuts in my chocolate!

You let that imbecile in the shop

give you raisins.

He didn't have any nuts.

- The man in the shop?

- That's the reason I took the raisins.

Never mind.

We'll soon be there for dinner.

Hot soup.

Something is not right

in all of this, huh?

I can feel it in my bones.

- In your what?

- In my bones.

Buns? You have buns?

You bought buns

and didn't tell me?

- Where are the buns?

- No, monsieur.

The bones in my body.

You shouldn't speak with an accent

when you know I'm hungry.

If you ask me, Sam,

this is a wild goose chase.

- Nobody asked you.

- Yes, they did.

You asked me back there

if I thought-

That was then. This is now.

Nobody knows

what tomorrow will be.

That's the way it is,

whether we like it or not.

Sam, I really worry

about you sometimes.

Cut the malarkey.

This trip is strictly business.

- What do you got on Twain?

- He was born in San Francisco in 1906.

His mother was Catholic,

father an Orthodox Jew.

They separated two hours

after the marriage.

- Any children?

- Yeah, one daughter, 32.

Her name's Irene,

but she goes by Rita.

Just like a dame.

Don't stop, angel. You're doing fine.

He was arrested in 1932

for selling pornographic bibles.

Charges were dropped when the

church didn't turn over the bibles.

There's nothing on him until '46

when he was picked up in El Paso...

...for smuggling a truckload

of rich, white Americans...

...into Mexico to pick melons.

He was sent to the state hospital

for mental observation.

I think we picked ourselves

a queer bird, angel. Anything else?

Yeah. Get this, Sam.

Twain has one interesting physical

characteristic. He has no pinkies.

No pinkies?

Twain's only got eight fingers?

No, no. He's got 10.

He just doesn't have any pinkies.

- You did your homework good.

- Thanks.

- Where'd you dig that up?

- I wrote Twain and asked.

Good thinking.

- What's the matter?

- Wouldn't you know, out of gas.

I saw a station

about five miles back, Sam.

I want you to know I'm gonna be

waiting for you, baby.

Here's the bridge, Pop.

Doesn't look safe to me.

One way to find out.

Drive across.

Aren't you gonna come with me?

Weight of two men

may be too much for bridge.

Then why do I get to drive?

Because I smart enough

to get out first.

I'm not gonna make it.

It's gonna collapse.

Not worry.

Father find other way to house.

I made it, Pop!

I made it!

Good! Good!

Now come back and get adopted father.

Look at invitation.

What number of house?

- Two-two...

- Correct.

2-2, Twain's house.


- Did you see that?

- No.

Neither did I.

Stop! Do not move.

Something's wrong here.

- What is it?

- Do not ask questions. Do as I say.

When I tell you jump, you jump.

One, two, three...


Holy Shanghai!

Nice counting.

But how'd you know?

Look on ground.

Even had correct shoe size.

Someone gone great trouble... make welcome guests

not so welcome.

Ring bell, please.

Are you nuts?

Someone's trying to kill us.

Yes. Should make exciting weekend.

Ring, please.

I wish it was Monday morning.

Well, here goes.

They're killing someone in there!

- Calm yourself.

- Didn't you hear her scream?

No. You heard scream.

More experienced ear heard doorbell.

Listen again.

Mr. Twain has

macabre sense of humour, yeah?

Good evening.

We have been expecting you.

But in what condition?

Roof in need of repair.

Indeed. I'm afraid

the house is falling apart.

- May we come in, please?

- I'm sorry. I thought you were in.

Rate this script:2.4 / 5 votes

Neil Simon

Marvin Neil Simon (born July 4, 1927) credited as Neil Simon, is an American playwright, screenwriter and author. He wrote more than 30 plays and nearly the same number of movie screenplays, mostly adaptations of his plays. He has received more combined Oscar and Tony nominations than any other writer.Simon grew up in New York City during the Great Depression, with his parents' financial hardships affecting their marriage, giving him a mostly unhappy and unstable childhood. He often took refuge in movie theaters where he enjoyed watching the early comedians like Charlie Chaplin. After a few years in the Army Air Force Reserve, and after graduating from high school, he began writing comedy scripts for radio and some popular early television shows. Among them were Sid Caesar's Your Show of Shows from 1950 (where he worked alongside other young writers including Carl Reiner, Mel Brooks and Selma Diamond), and The Phil Silvers Show, which ran from 1955 to 1959. He began writing his own plays beginning with Come Blow Your Horn (1961), which took him three years to complete and ran for 678 performances on Broadway. It was followed by two more successful plays, Barefoot in the Park (1963) and The Odd Couple (1965), for which he won a Tony Award. It made him a national celebrity and "the hottest new playwright on Broadway." During the 1960s to 1980s, he wrote both original screenplays and stage plays, with some films actually based on his plays. His style ranged from romantic comedy to farce to more serious dramatic comedy. Overall, he has garnered 17 Tony nominations and won three. During one season, he had four successful plays running on Broadway at the same time, and in 1983 became the only living playwright to have a New York theatre, the Neil Simon Theatre, named in his honor. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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