Mrs Brown Page #6

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ARCHIE:

(telling it fast)

So the day they arrive, she greets the

Sultan and his family with barely a

word and then retires to her chamber.

The Sultan, not used to State

Occasions without a head of State, is

standing in the lobby waiting for

someone to tell him what to do. But

the court is under strict instructions

not to talk in the corridors so nobody

speaks to him, not a living soul, for

the whole afternoon. So now it's

dinner and everyone's standing round

the table -- still not a word --

waiting for Her Majesty to arrive.

One hour goes by, two, the Sultan's

getting a wee bit peckish to say the

least. So finally, his wee laddy

breaks for the cold meats and stuffs a

slice in his mouth. Well, the uproar

when she heard. You'd have thought

someone had stolen the crown jewels.

BROWN stares back, still pissed off.

BROWN:

So?

ARCHIE:

So, there are rules. Things you do

and things you don't do.

BROWN:

I was just telling the woman how I

feel, for God's sake.

ARCHIE:

You don't tell Her Majesty how you

feel.

BROWN:

I speak as I find, Archie.

ARCHIE:

Not down south you don't.

BROWN slams a drawer shut. ARCHIE lets it go and watches

his brother. A beat.

ARCHIE (CONT'D)

So what did Ponsonby do when she

started shouting?

BROWN:

I think he nearly ruptured his truss.

A beat, then both men burst out laughing.

INT. OSBORNE HOUSE, SERVANT'S HALL - DAY

The clatter of voices and banging doors as under servants

hurry about with plates, knives and forks, laying the Upper

Servant's huge table for dinner. ARCHIE leads BROWN

through this rush of activity.

BROWN:

How much?

ARCHIE:

Seventy a year.

BROWN:

Not bad, not bad.

ARCHIE:

How about yourself?

BROWN:

Sixty.

ARCHIE:

(grinning)

That's pretty good for a ghillie.

BROWN smiles dryly. They pour themselves a drink from the

table.

BROWN:

Prince Leopold? Is he the one who

bleeds all day? So what does his

valet do? Wash his poultices for him?

ARCHIE:

It's better than shovelling horse

sh*t.

BROWN:

If you were looking for promotion, you

should have picked one of the

healthier ones.

ARCHIE:

She's hardly a full hamper herself.

BROWN:

(beat)

It's only grief makes her like she is.

ARCHIE:

Three years, John. Is that not a bit

long to be grieving?

BROWN:

She loved him.

ARCHIE:

Come on, man. There's love and

there's ...

BROWN:

What?

ARCHIE:

You know what I mean.

BROWN:

I'm not sure I do, Archie.

ARCHIE:

There's love and there's behaving like

you do because there's nobody to tell

you not to.

Hold on BROWN. He lets it go and moves on. Across the

hall, he spots the pretty ASSISTANT DRESSER watching them.

BROWN:

Which one of us is she flirting with?

ARCHIE:

The good-looking one.

BROWN:

Aye? Then she's obviously not got

enough to do.

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