Mr. Right

My name's Kyle, and I

wanna be a policeman.

I'm Gordon.

I wanna be a lawyer.

My name is Martha,

and I'm a t. Rex!

Okay, Martha.

No, I'm gonna delete that one.

Hey, what's up?

"My girlfriend just sent me

the sexiest photo."

Ew. Oh, that looks like a butt.

My b*obs look like a butt?

Just hanging' out in your

favorite shirt and lingerie.

Oh, boy.

None of these are good.

Okay.

I mean, was I cheating on you?

Yes, maybe.

I'm such an a**hole, okay?

I know.

Do you think that I like

being like this?

I just need validation all the time.

It's pathetic.

But I think that's

something you can work on.

Yeah, this is super-f***ed.

But maybe...

It's a new beginning, right?

Mmm.

Oh, wow.

I like your nail Polish.

I'm just gonna grab

this little fella.

This is what

I'm talking about, Martha.

You got no sense of adventure.

Hey, watch it.

Hey, have a nice day.

Hi. Hey. Sharon?

- Yeah.

- How are you?

Is that Chanel?

I like it.

What, are you with the hotel?

No, no.

I'm actually supposed to be in

Milwaukee, killing your husband

before he can take

your half of the firm.

That's what it's about. They don't tell

me much. That's what I could figure out.

I was really proud of myself for that.

Gee whiz.

Look, I...

Don't hurt my feelings, Sharon.

You contacted a fixer to hire

someone to kill your husband.

Huh?

Okay.

So if you're not there,

then why are you here?

Murder's wrong, Sharon.

But you're a hit man.

Nobody's perfect.

You're gonna come home

and look at me

like I'm uptight 'cause

I don't want a threesome?

You a**hole! 'Cause

I'm not so... Martha?

- It's Sophie. Are you okay?

- You don't even know me!

She's not okay.

No, because you didn't

bring the...

Why would you bring... that

doesn't even make any sense.

She's doing drunk closet.

She's regressed to college.

We've gotta open the door. I need you

to keep your eyes to the ground.

Because she takes direct eye

contact as a sign of aggression.

We're coming in.

No! No!

This is my whole zone!

This is for me!

You stop judging me, 'cause

these are my favorite socks!

And I have only

been drinking for two days.

- Martha, you look good.

- I feel assumptions from you.

I feel judgment from you.

You don't know the situation.

You don't know what's in my

heart 'cause you're racist!

No.

Okay, whoa.

And you smell weird!

I'm sorry. You don't.

Julia, I'm gonna need your help.

I am not touching her.

- She seems sticky. - Get physical

with me, I will get physical with you.

Take my hands.

One, two, there we go.

You unhand me, you brute!

Ha-ha.

No, I don't wanna leave.

No! Martha.

- I need your hands.

- You can't stop me! No!

One of you hussies

is getting fisted!

Okay, he's headed

towards the elevator.

Eta two minutes.

Espinoza's team

is already in position.

For the money this guy's worth,

I'm gonna do my thing big.

- Don't let this joker start doing

that thing he does. - Amen, brother.

F***ing dance party is canceled!

Yeah!

- Hey, hopper, you coming or what?

- No.

Nope, I made a mistake.

I thought you guys

were professional.

But that's okay.

That's okay.

Someone's gotta return the

Van after he kills you all.

Yeah, whatever, p*ssy.

Break a leg.

- Here we go then.

- Stopping elevator now.

That's a mistake. What the hell?

He's not in here.

Yes, he is. What the f***?

How's he moving like that?

Catch up! He's right there!

- No, he isn't.

Wow. Pretty.

Balloons. Wedding?

Nice job.

Listen, there's been

a fire down the hall,

so everyone's gonna

have to evacuate.

He's going in the ballroom!

Don't follow him

into an open space.

Fire! Now!

Fire!

I got him in my sight.

By the cake!

Well, if he's by the cake,

that means he's got a knife.

F*** me.

Who shoots cake?

This would have been

such a nice wedding.

Well, that was fun... ish.

I'm not a racist. I know

you're not a racist.

I'm not.

Heads up! Whoa!

Are you feeling...

Ow! What the f***?

What if that was a bullet? I'm

training you. You're welcome.

Guys, let's go out.

You know?

Let's get out of here.

It's New Orleans.

You know, like,

we're young and free.

We should find a block party.

We could find one

with a contest or something.

Like a contest for our bodies.

And we show, like,

our b*obs or something.

I don't know. But I wanna

do something terrible.

I wanna do something terrible.

Ah!

Are you okay?

Excuse me.

Hello, ladies.

What's this?

That was a Pia Colada,

but I drank it,

so now it's an empty cup

for my friend Julia.

Oh, my god.

Jesus Christ.

Is he here?

I knew this was a good bar.

I'm gonna go find him.

Ooh.

Oh. Oh! Oh!

Wait!

What the hell? I'm the

f***ing man right now!

Ow!

Oh, my gosh. She's texting.

Who is she texting?

Who are you texting?

Nobody.

Do you think if I text him I'm

pregnant, it would change anything?

Is there a pregnant emoticon?

Like... "Pregnant."

What if I text him

that I'm dying?

What if I text him

that he's dying?

Because I'm going

to murder you, you...

Okay, give me that. I'm not

watching you repeat yourself.

You're the little engine that could

that keeps running off the tracks.

I'm stopping this train.

No more.

I'm sorry. I am.

I'm sorry, Sophie.

You're so good to me.

I don't know how this keeps happening.

Do I just suck?

No. Am I just like

suckball McGee over here?

No, you're not suckball McGee.

Come here.

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