Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation

The marvel of our time, | I guess, is the exploration of outer space.

Man is, for the first time, | leaving the face of the Earth.

In the name of science, | diplomacy and technology...

we're getting off the planet.

However, the real reason | for this exploration is a simple one...

and I, Roger Hobbs | of St. Louis, Missouri...

have discovered this reason.

It's too damn crowded down here.!

Oh, welcome back, Mr. Hobbs.

- Thank you, Ellen. Glad to be back. | - Did you have a nice vacation?

Wonderful.

Uh, I want you to take something.

This goes to Mrs. Hobbs...

not to be opened | until after my death.

- Is this going to be a long one or a short one? | - I don't know yet.

Then I'd better get another book. | I've only a few pages left in this one.

My darling Peggy...

when you read this, I- Oh.

I'm sorry, but I remembered when you were | dictating that one about Mrs. Hobbs's brother-

what you really thought of him-

it was so long, | I ran right out of the book.

Uh-huh. Uh, well-

All right. Are you ready?

My darling Peggy, | by the time you read this...

I'll be in an urn | at Woodlawn Memorial Park Cemetery.

So let me make it clear | from the very beginning...

that notwithstanding | what I may say here and now...

I loved you to the end | and with all my heart.

Paragraph.

With all my heart. Paragraph.

Please don't think I was hasty.

I was just like any other normal, | red-blooded American gopher...

who works in a big city.

Living underground | most of the time...

naturally, I liked the idea | of a little fresh air.

- Paragraph? | - Paragraph.

This is simply to explain to you...

why, after last month...

you never again | were able to suck me in...

to another gay, happy, | carefree vacation...

with the family-

may God bless and keep | each and every one of them...

individually.

Paragraph.

Even now, there is no man alive...

who believes more devoutly than I do...

that the family is the rock...

upon which civilization is built.

But speaking to you now | from beyond the grave...

let me say to you, frankly...

that I had rather stay on | as a gopher...

than be trapped with my family...

for a whole month in the same house.

Paragraph.

I also agree heartily | with all modern authorities...

that there is no more | sacred obligation in life...

than a lasting communication | between parents and children.

But from now on, I'm going to see | if I can't manage mine by long distance...

and the longer, the better.

- Paragraph? | - No paragraph.

It's not that I don't love them, | you understand.

It's just that the day finally arrives when | a man simply hasn't got the strength...

to handle all the jams | his children get themselves into.

Sailing date:
June 2.

Remember lastJune, Peggy?

I called you from the office | that it was all set for a month's vacation?

Well, what I had in mind, darn it...

was a month off | just for you and me.

Just a couple of old smoothies | on the loose again...

communicating with nobody but each other | and an occasional deck steward.

- I can't see. | - Good evening.

Oh, hello. Would you mind | moving over a little bit, please?

How would you like to spend next month | on a real Western dude ranch?

- No, thanks. | - That's what you think, buster.

Ee-yah.!

Will you listen-Will you listen | for just one minute, darling?

Ah, hang up, Mother. Tell 'em Father's | home drunk and needs looking after.

- It's Katey, long distance. | - Well, what's- Nothing wrong, is there?

Oh, you bet there is. | She doesn't want to go to Emerald Bay.

It is not stupid, Katey, and I must say | that it's not very bright of you...

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