Motherhood Page #2

required to do it.

And it has been awhile.

You sure you're ready to move

beyond entourages

of organic snacks?

[ Eliza laughs ]

Completely!

I mean, it gives me a chance

to explore what it really means

to become a mother,

and nobody talks about this stuff.

The sleep deprivation,

the funks, the non-stop cleaning,

the death of lust.

I can see Lunchbox magazine

flying off the stands.

Here's my first headline:

"To thine own self be true:

Don't Breed."

Too late.

[ Bongos playing ]

[ Whispers ]

Hi, Trixie!

Sh*t!

-What?

-Avery forgot to walk Coupon!

Sh*t is right.

You better get home, or you're

gonna find a deposit on your rug.

[ Drilling sounds ]

ELIZA:
Avery?

Avery.

Avery.

This stuff is incredible, really.

Uh, Avery, um, did you forget

something this morning?

AVERY:
What?

I don't know, it was essentially

our firstborn, you know?

The one

with the incontinence issues?

Oops, sorry.

Single most abused word

in the English language.

AVERY:

"Oops" or "sorry"?

All right, so I'll stay with Lucas,

and you go get Coupon.

Oh, no, no, no.

You can't do that.

I got an editorial meeting at 9:30.

If I don't leave now,

I'm never gonna make it.

No, no, no, no!

You never told me that!

Yes, I did. I told you this morning

while you were combing Clara's hair.

Don't worry, I'll be back by 1:00.

No, but 1:
00 is too late!

I don't think Coupon

can hold it till then,

and he can't walk himself

because he can't make it

down the stairs anymore.

AVERY:
Holy Moly!

ELIZA:
Did you go

to the cash machine at least?

Eliza, I wish you would stop

talking to me like I'm impaired.

Yes, I did.

I.... No -- I'm sorry, okay?

There's just something I want

to do today. It's incredible.

It's this writing thing, which

could be just perfect for me and--

I guess I'll just figure out

how to get it all done by myself.

-ELIZA:
Bye!

-AVERY:
Bye!

[ Music plays ]

[ Grunts ]

Oh, come on.

I got ya!

[ Deep breaths ]

Orange juice.

Edith?

I forgot your orange juice.

I'm sorry,

I'll bring you some more later?

EDITH:
Orange juice?

I don't need any orange juice, dear.

I'm closing the door now, Edith.

It's not safe to leave it open.

Okay.

[ Car alarm sounds ]

Hurry up, Coupon, let's go.

HESTER:

Street sweeper! Street sweeper!

Oh! Oh, God. Coupon! Get busy.

LUCAS:
Get busy.

HESTER:

Get a Prius, New Jersey!

Go home, scumbag!

Good job, Coupon!

Good boy!

So, you just gonna leave it there?

No, I just, I gotta get my kid

in the car,

so I can move the car, so the street

sweeper can clean the street.

I'll pick it up later.

What if someone

steps in it before then?

I'll call 911 and make a complaint.

Well, I haven't found that

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