Most Likely to Die

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( dramatic theme music playing )

( birds chirping )

( phone ringing )

Hello.

- Did I wake you?

- No.

- Nobody's there yet, right? I left early.

- Nope.

Can you believe it's been

10 years since graduation?

Oh, I feel so old.

It's gonna be great

seeing everybody though.

This isn't a good idea.

Listen, I know

you don't want people over,

but these are your friends,

your real friends.

Tonight we're gonna

get drunk, reacquainted,

help Simone fill out

her stupid name tags.

And then tomorrow

you and I are gonna be

the best-looking couple

at that reunion.

Whatever you say, Ashley.

Ray, baby, are you okay?

You know I don't give a damn

about that stupid

hockey thing, right?

Stupid hockey thing.

Right.

It just means you won't be

on the road all the time

and we can spend

more time together.

So just sit tight, baby.

I'm gonna take care of you.

I'll be there soon.

I'm fine.

( Horn honks )

Yoo-hoo!

Ray, baby, I've got a surprise.

Look at what you've done

with the family manor.

Your mama must love this.

( humming a tune )

All ready.

I am saving the rest

of the striptease for you.

Well, well...

This is nice.

"Find me"?

Ooh, fun and games.

I like it.

Seriously, Ray,

you're missing out.

Ooh, great minds think alike.

Am I now?

Okay, Ray, I give up.

Now come out and ravage me.

( Object rustles )

I know where you are.

Fisher twins' party,

senior year.

You remembered.

Oh!

Goddamn it, Ray!

This is not how you get laid.

Come out, asshole.

That's it. Creep.

- ( Door slams )

- ( gasps )

Ray?

Screw you.

I'm out of here.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Come on.

( screams )

Oh, my God. Stop!

( Whimpering )

Oh, God, stop!

Please stop!

( screams )

( dramatic theme playing )

( car engine revving

in distance )

I can't stop thinking of you

Tell me, tell me

Tell me

Do you feel

the way I feel?

Tell...

Okay.

Come on, girl, ante up.

Oh, that's gross.

Okay.

The longest drive ever.

- Welcome back.

- Oh.

- Hi. You scared me.

- Help you with your bag?

Oh, no.

No, I think I got it, thanks.

All right, well, you let me

know if you need any help...

- Okay.

- ...Gabriella.

Do I know you?

Butcher's Red Ale,

Saturday night only.

Poker nights, that's

what you used to drink.

Tarkin.

What are you doing here?

Oh, Ray took me on,

you know, when I lost the store.

He brought me here

to be the caretaker

and look after his place

while he's on the road...

you know, hockey.

Okay, good to know.

Okay, I should go in.

Yeah, all right. Well, let me

know if you need anything.

Got it.

See you around.

All right.

Not if I see you first.

Ray! Ashley!

Is anybody home?

( sighs )

Okay.

Hello?

Wow, impressive.

Oh, my gosh, who would do that?

Oh, my goodness.

That's gross.

( chuckles )

Shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit.

- You came!

- Oh, my gosh.

- You're here.

- Jade.

I'm so... Stop.

I swear to God

I'm so mad at you

right now. Stop.

Did you find out about Brad?

You knew?

Why is he even coming?

He never even graduated.

Well, the faculty

is presenting him

with an honorary diploma,

you know, due to his

overwhelming success and all.

It's two days.

You'll live.

- One hint of a warning.

- Yeah, and you wouldn't have come.

Damn straight,

I wouldn't have come.

Well, go on then, go.

If you're gonna escape,

now is your chance, 'cause

everyone's gonna be here any minute.

( car horns honking )

Or right now.

It's too late.

You're doomed.

Stop, stop, stop.

( electronic music playing

over speakers )

Man:

A toast to us.

- ( all cheering )

- Cheers.

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