Monty Python and the Holy Grail Page #5

BODY:

I feel fine.

LARGE MAN:

Do me a favour.

CART DRIVER:

I can't.

LARGE MAN:

Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes. He won't

be long.

CART DRIVER:

I promised I'd be at the Robinson's. They've lost nine

today.

LARGE MAN:

When's your next round?

CART DRIVER:

Thursday.

BODY:

I think I'll go for a walk.

LARGE MAN:

You're not fooling anyone you know.

(to CART DRIVER)

Isn't there anything you could do?

BODY:

(singing unrecognisably)

I feel happy... I feel happy.

The CART DRIVER looks at the LARGE MAN for a moment. Then they both

do a quick furtive look up and down the street. The CART DRIVER

very swiftly brings up a club and hits the OLD MAN. (Out of shot

but the singing stops after a loud bonk noise.)

LARGE MAN:

(handing over the money at last)

Thanks very much.

CART DRIVER:

That's all right. See you on Thursday.

They turn ... Suddenly all the village fall to their knees, touching

forelocks etc. ARTHUR and PATSY ride into SHOT, slightly nose to

the air, they ride through without acknowledging anybody. After

they pass, the LARGE MAN turns to the CART DRIVER.

LARGE MAN:

Who's that then?

CART DRIVER:

(Grudgingly)

I dunno, Must be a king.

LARGE MAN:

Why?

CART DRIVER:

He hasn't got sh*t all over him.

3 EXTERIOR - DAY

ARTHUR and PATSY riding. They stop and look. We see a castle in the

distance, and before it a PEASANT is working away on his knees trying

to dig up the earth with his bare hands and a twig. ARTHUR and

PATSY ride up, and stop before the PEASANT

ARTHUR:

Old woman!

DENNIS:

Man!

ARTHUR:

Man. I'm sorry. Old man, What knight live in that castle

over there?

DENNIS:

I'm thirty-seven.

ARTHUR:

What?

DENNIS:

I'm thirty-seven ... I'm not old.

ARTHUR:

Well - I can't just say: "Hey, Man!'

DENNIS:

Well you could say: "Dennis"

ARTHUR:

I didn't know you were called Dennis.

DENNIS:

You didn't bother to find out, did you?

ARTHUR:

I've said I'm sorry about the old woman, but from the behind

you looked ...

DENNIS:

What I object to is that you automatically treat me like

an inferior ...

ARTHUR:

Well ... I AM king.

DENNIS:

Oh, very nice. King, eh! I expect you've got a palace and fine

clothes and courtiers and plenty of food. And how d'you get that?

By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist

dogma which perpetuates the social and economic differences in our

society! If there's EVER going to be any progress ...

An OLD WOMAN appears.

OLD WOMAN:

Dennis! There's some lovely filth down here ... Oh!

how d'you do?

ARTHUR:

How d'you do, good lady ... I am Arthur, King of the Britons ...

can you tell me who lives in that castle?

OLD WOMAN:

King of the WHO?

ARTHUR:

The Britons.

OLD WOMAN:

Who are the Britons?

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