Monkey Business

Synopsis: Barnaby Fulton is a research chemist working on a fountain of youth pill for a chemical company. While trying a sample dose on himself, he accidentally gets a dose of a mixture added to the water cooler and believes his potion is what is working. The mixture temporarily causes him to feel and act like a teenager, including correcting his vision. When his wife gets a dose that is even larger, she regresses even further into her childhood. When an old boyfriend meets her in this state, he believes that her never wanting to see him again means a divorce and a chance for him.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Howard Hawks
Production: Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment
Rotten Tomatoes:
97 min

Not yet, Cary.

Not yet, Cary.


- Barnaby, you have the key.

- Ah?

Well, look for it, darling.


Look in this first pocket.

That's usually where you hide it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, but I didn't hide it.

I put it there so I could find it.

Here it is.

Would you turn on the porch light

and turn off that hall light?

Close the door and

be sure that it's locked...

and I'll start the car.

I understand.

Oh, it's you.

Come on in.

- Barnaby.

- Huh?

- We're going to a dance.

- Oh, yes.

And we're going to be late

if we don't hurry.

Oh, yeah.

Now, let's start all over again.

You've got your key.

- Mm-hmm.

- No, it's in that pocket.

Oh, that's right.

I put it there on purpose.

And you're going

to turn the porch light on...

and the hall light off...

and then you're going

to lock the door.

- Right.

- Now, come along, darling.

- Barnaby, are you thinking?

- Hmm? Hmm?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's pretty dark in here,

isn't it?

That's better.

What are you thinking about?

Oh, it's the test

we made in the lab today.

They proved that only

23% of the formula...

is being assimilated.

Oh, the formula.

Yeah. Well, you know

what that means.

That-That means that

73% is absolute waste.


What happened to the rest of it?

No, no. Not 73, 77.

What did I say?

- Seventy-seven.

- Well.

I guess that's why

it's having so little effect...

on those chimpanzees

we're experimenting with.

We've been giving it to them

for over two months now.

Well, it certainly hasn't done

what it should have done.

I thought

it was doing rather well.

No, no.

No, that's the trouble.

It isn't doing well at all.

What about that one monkey

you told me about?

- Oh, you mean Rudolph.

- He's pretty old, isn't he?

Well, Rudolph's about...

Well, he's about the equivalent

of 84 years old in a human.

Well, didn't the formula

cure his rheumatism?

Didn't it make his coat

much glossier?

- Didn't you say he felt a lot better?

- Well, in a way.

Well, then,

what do you expect?

Well, it isn't what

it should be, Edwina.

What must it be before

you're satisfied with it?

Theoretically, it should have

a much greater effect.

I've just got to find a way

to make it more easily assimilable.

- Huh?

- Assimilable? Assi...

- More easily assimilated.

- Oh, yeah.

I thought I had a good idea

at the front door just now.

I guess I just thought I had it.

Anyway, it's gone.

- Well, it'll come back to you.

- I doubt it.

It'll come back to you.

That's the trouble

about being a chemist.

You know,

you can't actually think.

Every now and then...

you feel compelled to sit

and stare at a sheet of paper...

hoping it'll speak to you,

but it never does.

Oh. Is that a new dress?


Oh, I like that.

Let me see it.

I like the way it sticks out.

- Or is that you?

- Well, you ought to know.

It isn't you.

You ought to be going

somewhere in a dress like that.

Yeah. Well,

I'm glad you like it.

Holy smokes.

We forgot all about the party.

Why didn't you remind me?

- We're not going.

- Why not?

Well, we're not going

for a number of reasons.


When I dance with you,

I want to dance with all of you.

I don't want your brain

to be somewhere else.

I know.

You're not very often

the absent-minded professor...

but, darling, when you are,

you're a real zombie.

Yeah, I admit it.

And I don't want people

to see you like that.

Now, go on.

Sit down and relax

and be brilliant.


- You know, you're all right.

- How do you like your eggs?

How did eggs get in

to the conversation?

You're hungry, aren't you?

I'll fix you something to eat...

and call Hank and tell him

we're not coming.

- Did you telephone Hank?

- Mm-hmm. He wasn't in.

- I left a message.

- Oh.

Don't tell me you've solved

the formula already.

No. No, I've had my mind

on other things.

You've been looking forward to going

to this party for a month, haven't you?

Now, darling, we're not

even going to discuss it.

I know that.

I was just thinking.

It's queer about people.

What about people?

Through no fault of their own,

they get older.

- Now, that's a profound remark.

- No, they do get older.

- Something happens to them.

- Are you referring to me, Barnaby?

No, I was thinking of

the human race as a whole.

Pretty sad group.

Would you get me

some soup plates, darling?

If you don't think

the human race undergoes...

certain morbid changes

as it matures...

I ask you to recall the night

of the Everett Winston party.

I don't recall any

Everett Winston party.

Do you remember

our honeymoon?

- Of course I do, darling.

- I was hoping you would.

Well, the week after we got back

from our honeymoon...

the Everett Winstons

invited us to a party.

I'm sorry, darling,

but I don't remember going.

We didn't go.

We didn't?

Oh, yes.

Now I remember.

We stayed home.

Just like tonight.

You know, Edwina,

that's what I'm talking about.

We stayed home from that party

for an altogether different reason.

Tonight we're staying home

for an intellectual reason.

I remember we didn't want

to share each other with anyone.

You were so sweet.

Remember how the telephone

kept ringing...

for hours and hours and hours?


I'll get it.

Aw. You see what I mean?

Tonight we're answering calls.

- Hi, Hank.

- Hi.

Say, what's this message

about not going out tonight?

- That's right.

Rate this script:4.3 / 3 votes

Ben Hecht

Ben Hecht (1894–1964) was an American screenwriter, director, producer, playwright, journalist and novelist. A journalist in his youth, he went on to write thirty-five books and some of the most entertaining screenplays and plays in America. He received screen credits, alone or in collaboration, for the stories or screenplays of some seventy films. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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