Mom at Sixteen

What you're about to see

is a sight so disturbing...

...you may have nightmares

for the rest of your lives.

Some will say there's no reason

in showing this image to the world.

But I say, in the interest of science,

we must.

Macy! Macy, get out of here!

Macy, get out of the room!

That was what is referred to

as a Teenagerus monsterus.

If you don't get out of my room,

I'm gonna break that camera in half.

- Mom says, "Get up. "

- Fine.

No animals or teenagers were

hurt in the making of this film.

- Say, "Hi, Mommy. "

- Hi, Mommy.

Macy, are you getting this?

Does he look a little poopy to you?

Because I just fed him.

I'm not exactly sure

what poopy looks like.

- Can you describe it?

- I ain't.

You have to come to the school.

It's our first day, you have to sign us in.

I have to go in person?

They won't let me send a note?

I cannot do that.

I've got to get him to the babysitter.

I've gotta get to work.

- It's the law. Are we above the law?

- No, we are not above the law.

- Mom?

- What?

I guess you don't want me to tell you

your shoes don't match.

Oh, no. All right, all right. Listen.

Both of you, listen up. Do not make

a single plan for this weekend.

We are unpacking every one of these boxes

and getting them all out of the living room.

Hello? Hi, Dad.

Oh, give that to me. Give that to me.

Bruce? Hi. Yeah, listen.

You've gotta get the check in.

I sent mine in, got there Tuesday. The

doctor's waiting for your check now, okay?

He's fine.

She's fine.

Can I just call you back after work?

Okay. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Couldn't I have at least said hi?

I'm sorry.

Get that camera out of my face.

Thank you!

- Jane, I'll pick you up at 4:00.

- Ashley, I have your textbook.

- Meet me at my locker at lunch.

- Yeah.

Okay, girls, it's showtime.

Your hair is your crowning glory.

Let me get this strand.

Take your retainer out. Macy,

you cannot wear those gloves into school.

That's not appropriate.

All right, now, everybody,

shoulders back.

I'm sure this is going to be

a magical day for all of us.

Mom, this is high school, not Disneyland.

I've got your math book.

Macy, Macy, turn it off.

Go away.

- It's stuck to my foot.

- Gross!

Your hair's sticking up in the back.

My mom already left.

Call her and tell her to come back

because this is a school, not a nightclub.

Does her mother let her come

to school dressed that way?

Oh, what a cute baby.

What's his name?

His name is Charley Michael Jeffries.

We gave him a good, strong name...

...because we suspect he's gonna

be a leader for world peace.

May I hold him?

Hold on. Just turn your palms over.

All right, there you go.

There you go, little guy.

That baby smell.

I couldn't imagine starting over again.

Well, it's midlife madness, believe me.

I didn't even think I could get pregnant.

But I'm thrilled. We are thrilled.

- Can we go?

- Of course.

Now, your schedule

is printed out for you.

If you get lost or need some help,

you just ask anyone.

The kids here are very friendly.

Welcome to Bayview.

Yeah, just getting your collar.

That's all. Pull it out.

Jacey, shoulders back.

Have a great day.

I love you.

I can't believe we have to do this.

Starting in the middle of semester?

How are we supposed to make friends?

It wasn't my decision.

None of it was my decision.

Really? I thought the whole world

revolved around you.

I have to go down there.

If I get lost, don't look for me.

Save yourself, as usual.

Do I really like him? I don't know.

Oh, my God. That's awesome.

I know. It's been three weeks.

My mom still hasn't noticed.

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