MoDeRn WaRfArE 3: kItTy StOmPeRs Page #4

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YURI:

I think it's me being a third-person viewpoint on Makarov now that Soap no longer needs one.

CAPTAIN PRICE:

But none of that gets us a step closer to actually finding Makarov. Unless some unrelated clue were to suddenly pop up, but that would really render all this poignant drama moot.

SANDMAN:

Hey guys, we used unrelated clues to learn that Makarov has President Vorshevsky at a diamond mine in Siberia!

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Let's all team up and go get him!

EXT. DIAMOND MINE - SIBERIA

CAPTAIN PRICE, YURI and SANDMAN launch an ASSAULT on the DIAMOND MINE. Since that apparently ISN'T AWESOME ENOUGH ON ITS OWN, the COURTYARD also features A BAGGER 288.

SANDMAN:

They're keeping President Vorshevsky behind this reinforced door! We can't get in!

CAPTAIN PRICE:

I know, we'll punch a hole in the ceiling!

SANDMAN:

Genius!

CAPTAIN PRICE:

We'll stand right next to the explosives as they detonate and ride the concrete down!

SANDMAN:

Wait, what if we're right on top of the President when we --

CAPTAIN PRICE:

And then we'll shoot the President's captors with perfect head shots before we even hit the ground!

SANDMAN:

Dude, what?

This HAPPENS. Then the MINE starts to COLLAPSE.

SANDMAN:

Go! Get to the rotorwing!

CAPTAIN PRICE:

The what?

SANDMAN:

The chopper! Get to the chopper! I'll valiantly stay behind and cover your escape!

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Why? The chopper's right here. It's maybe ten yards. It just seems further away because we're in dramatic slow motion.

SANDMAN:

YOU HAVE TO GOOOOO!

The MINE COLLAPSES as CAPTAIN PRICE and YURI escape with PRESIDENT VORSHEVSKY.

EXT. HOTEL - ARABIAN PENINSULA

The WAR has come to an END. CAPTAIN PRICE decides to give MAKAROV a PHONE CALL.

VLADIMIR MAKAROV

Wait, how in the living f*** are you just casually giving me a call right now?

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Hah, who's the idiot who kept his number listed all this time?

VLADIMIR MAKAROV

Who's the idiot who never found it until now? Who's the idiot who spent two games stringing together a long list of dubious and risky leads to track me down?

CAPTAIN PRICE:

I AM GOING TO KILL YOU IN THE FACE!

VLADIMIR MAKAROV

Assuming that means you know where I am, I think I'll only try to escape once you get here.

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Much obliged.

CAPTAIN PRICE and YURI don some JUGGERNAUT ARMOUR and attack the HOTEL.

CAPTAIN PRICE:

The irony here is that even without this Juggernaut armour, we'd still be able to handle this kind of opposition!

YURI:

You think that's funny? Why do these games try to take themselves so goddamn seriously by including a single controversial scene of horrific hopelessness when that scene is consistently bookended by the same over-the-top action that typifies the Army Of Two antics that we're now reenacting?

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