
Milk Money
- PG-13
- Year:
- 1994
- 110 min
- 128 Views
(4.00 / 4 votes)You ever fart and sneeze
at the same time?
You ever barf up something
you know you didn't eat?
I got sick one time
I mean, I know I chewed it.
I got a better one.
Once, I barfed so hard
out of my nose.
That was gross.
Oh, that's so slimy.
Ew.
You know when you just
wake up, and you're sick,
and you're just waiting
to suck it down.
Aw, man you could hawk one
of those ten feet, easy.
No, no, no... it's better
to blow them out your nose.
No, no, it's better to suck.
Now, those are not
the best loogies.
from the top of the
Empire State Building.
Hit a lady in the head.
Killed her.
He's in prison now.
In prison for snot.
Boom, boom.
Okay, you guys, come on.
We place here
in the time capsule...
the sacred shoe box.
Okay, in the sacred shoe box,
the things we do not understand,
the mysteries of the universe
have been revealed to us.
Who's first? Kevin.
I found it in my mom's secret
drawer, in this plastic box.
I know what this is.
It goes in the bottom of
the bathtub to stop the drain.
No, it doesn't.
It's a diaphragm.
It prevents the passage
of sperm into the uterus...
in girls.
How do you know that?
I saw it on Nightline.
I'm telling you, Frank,
it goes in the bottom
of the bathtub.
I think it's
She'll never miss it.
Wait, don't drink out of it
until we know what it is.
Yeah.
Brad.
I found it in my sister's room.
I believe it's
some kind of weapon.
A picture of my dead mother.
How come you're
putting it in the box?
Because I don't know why
my dad keeps all of her pictures
hidden in the attic, and tells
me she looked like Grace Kelley.
Who's Grace Kelley?
Oh, she was a very famous clown.
She was a princess.
And, also...
I don't know what
it's like to have a mother.
We could tell you.
You can't tell somebody
something like that.
Have you ever noticed
that girls don't fart?
My mom farts.
Looks like a boob.
Yeah.
Make them fly around.
My boob's bigger than yours.
Let's see if you can
catch my boob.
You've got, like,
a mosquito bite boob, Frank.
Why don't girls spit?
They're hiding
something from us.
The rules have changed.
Gotcha.
It's a battle of the sexes...
and believe me,
we are way behind.
Sh*t!
I can't dance.
You see this, Frank?
This little seedling
represents an entire species
of marsh grass.
If it lives,
the wetlands will survive,
Mortlake turtle can return
to its natural habitat,
and birds like the glossy ibis
won't lose another
precious nesting place.
Dad, if you don't get dressed,
we'll be late for school.
Dad, if you don't get dressed,
we'll be late for school.
Hey, hey, look at this.
You won a prize.
Yeah.
What is that?
Homework.
They're assigning Cosmopolitan
as homework?
No, they assigned this,
but I'm getting nowhere with it.
You can't relate that
to the real world.
Like how?
Like, was Mom a virgin
when you married her?
What are you studying, religion?
Sex.
Are you going to tell me
about Mom or not?
No.
Boy, that's good coffee.
Fresh brewed?
Instant.
Now, how 'bout
if you love someone?
Do you have to have sex
with them?
This can't be instant.
We ran out of beans.
And if you kiss a girl,
what base is that,
and where's the birth canal?
I have a chart.
You never have to have sex
if you don't want to,
kissing a girl's first base,
the birth canal's right there,
and you shouldn't have sex
unless you're in love
and probably married.
Why not?
I don't remember-
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"Milk Money" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 2 Jul 2022. <https://www.scripts.com/script/milk_money_13779>.
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