Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life

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1

You guys wanna

handle this for me?

On it, boss.

On it.

I just said that.

Why do you even

set this thing, Rafe,

if you're not gonna go to sleep?

Give me the blaster, quick.

Ready. Aim.

Fire!

Check the barrel.

Uh-oh.

Ah, that never gets old.

Great. Now I have two headaches.

Let's blast it.

On three. One...

Rafe.

Rafe?

Rise and shine, buddy.

Rafe.

Are you up?

Wake up!

What?

Oh, boy.

Is it morning already?

Please tell me you did not stay

up all night drawing again.

No, of course not.

No, the only reason I would

ever be up all night

is just because I'm so excited

to go to school today.

But I wasn't up all night.

Come here.

Why?

Gross. What're you doing?

I'm wiping the excitement

off your face.

It looks a lot like ink.

Mom, where's my breakfast?

It's coming.

Georgia, for the millionth time,

Calvin's not allowed in my room.

For the billionth time,

it's Mr. giggles to you.

And just because you're grumpy

doesn't give you the right to

make the rest of us miserable.

Okay, guys, come on.

Let's go, Calvin.

We don't have to take this.

You know, hon, I have to say,

really impressive updates for

the Vinlothian star cruiser.

Thanks.

Look...

I know it's hard, starting

a new school mid-semester,

and I don't wanna

take this away from you,

but you have to promise me

you won't spend every waking,

sleeping moment working on this

when there's a whole

big world out there.

Mom, there's a whole

big world in there, too.

I'm talking about

the real world.

Give it a try, would you?

For me?

Hmm?

Okay.

On the menu for today,

we have a farro basil salad

with tomato coulis.

You know, Georgia and I

would be completely fine

if you just made us, like,

a bologna sandwich.

I'm a sous-chef,

not a chemical engineer.

Oh, and for dessert,

we have

a deconstructed lime tart.

Why'd you deconstruct it?

I don't know.

I don't wanna do something

the same old, regular way.

Where's the imagination in that?

If you wanna stand out,

you wanna make a difference,

you gotta think outside the box.

Did you order an Uber?

Oh, man!

She's gonna get me arrested.

Better you than me.

Hello! Not getting

any younger here.

Uh, do that again, and you're

not getting any older either.

I was just pulling it around

to save time.

Never again.

Move.

You should wanna be early, too,

considering your track record.

I'm sorry.

I can't hear you.

Fine. Shut me out.

But I'm the only one willing to

give you the cold hard facts.

You've been kicked out of

two schools in one year.

Georgia, I'll handle

the lectures.

Go for it.

No, thank you.

I'm tired of that lecture.

See, you're exhausting people.

This is the last school

that'll take you.

And if you mess up here,

you're gonna end up

at a new school

called "prison elementary."

So get your head

out of your Keister.

Uh-tut-tut-tut-tut!

I'm just trying to help

a brother out, mom.

Look how nice it looks.

It's gonna be a great first day.

I can just feel it.

So just be polite

and don't forget to listen.

I'm sorry, what?

See, this is why kids

shouldn't have Espresso.

No, no, no,

I told you no more coffee.

Narc.

Addict.

Snitches get stitches.

Stop. Listen. They have me

working a double again,

so Carl's gonna pick you up.

No!

Why?

I know. It's been a tough

year for all of us.

But he's there for me

when I need him.

And lately,

I've really needed him.

So let's all put on our

be-nice-to-Carl faces, okay?

Okay, we'll work on it,

we'll work on it.

Listen, have a great first day.

I love you so much.

Be on your

best behavior. Okay?

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