Middle Men

Synopsis: Wayne Beering and Buck Dolby are drugged out geniuses with lots of ideas but they can never seem to get their act together. But when they come up with the idea to create a porn site - and charge for it (the first ever site to do so), their idea may be too lucrative for them to handle. Straight-laced business man, Jack Harris, is brought in to team up with them and turn their profitable idea into a legit business. Making money in the pornography industry is pretty easy, but staying true to yourself when surrounded by that much wealth, luxury, sex, crime and temptations, is much harder.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Drama
Director(s): George Gallo
Production: Paramount Pictures
Rotten Tomatoes:
105 min

I had several million dollars

in a duffle bag

and had to go and see a bunch

of low-life Russian mobsters

who would most likely

cut my throat, take the money,

and kill an innocent kid

just for sport.

It doesn't get any worse than this.

But I had no one

to blame but myself.

I'm the one who put myself

and my family in this situation.

See, life's all about choices,

choices we keep telling

ourselves are for the greater good.

But somewhere deep inside,

we know they'll lead

to a place like this.

And it wasn't greed

or ego that got me here.

I'm here because of what

I had a hand in creating.

It wasn't something that would change

the world for the better,

it wasn't something that would

put me in the history books,

make me a household name

or get me a statue in a park.

But I did have a hand in creating

the greatest invention of our time.

I inadvertently changed

the world as we know it.

My name is jack Harris and I figured out

a better way for guys to jerk off.

Never in the history of the world

have the merchants of obscenity

had available to them the modern

facilities for disseminating this filth.

Men have been jerking off

since the beginning of time.

I mean, it's no secret.

Jimmy, I got your...

Oh, my God!

Why is this mother yelling at her kid?

She should know better.

Men are always thinking about sex.

About every ten seconds some sick,

perverted, degenerate thought

goes through a man's mind.

From the very moment a man figures out

his hand can reach his dick...

...he's figuring out

a new way to pull on it.

But what this country has truly lost

is its moral fiber.

Now, years ago, we had

heroes for our children.

This should come as no big surprise.

Every guy, gay or straight,

prince, pauper, kings,

heads of state, even presidents,

every last one of them is sneaking off

somewhere and whacking it.

This is the space shuttle.

It costs $450 million

every time it's launched by

Uncle Sam and your tax dollars.

Guess what's on it?

A billion dollar satellite.

And why do you think they're

launching that thing?

It's all part of the Internet.

But if you think it has anything to do

with helping your kids learn,

or Daddy reading stats on Tiger Woods,

or Mommy and Grandma learning how

to bake the perfect chocolate cake,

then you're out of your mind.

just follow the money.

The porn industry takes in over

$57 billion a year worldwide,

with no one ever admitting

that they watch.

This is going on every second

of every day, all over the world.

Gone are the days of trips to seedy

bookstores in the dead of night.

Or hiding in the adult section

of your local video store.

Or waiting for a plain

brown paper-wrapped package

to come in the mail.

Whatever you want to see is there

in your home or office, 24 hours a day.

And it's ready when you are.

Discretely, privately,

and in whatever flavor you choose.

Pure Americana.

No matter how many times I keep

rolling this over in my head,

I keep asking myself the same question:

How the hell did I let

things go this far?

Not that long ago,

things seemed so simple.

- Hey, babe.

- Hey.

- What you got for me?

- I got you a little of everything.

- Looks good.

- I'm starved.

Me, too.

I can always tell your fried chicken

from everybody else's.

- Is that right?

- What's the secret?

A chef doesn't divulge her secrets.

You know that.

You can tell me.

It's not like I'm a stranger.

You marry me, I'll tell you.

Give me your hand.


...will you marry me?


Pepper what? That's the secret?

Are you kidding me?

- Sorry you signed your life away?

- No.

I was one of those guys living

in a Norman Rockwell painting.

And looking back, I had no idea

how happy I really was.

Now across the gulf of space and time,

on another planet called Los Angeles,

California, two men were about to

have a conversation that would

change the path of my life forever.

Hey, how do you sleep

in a chair like that?


How do you sleep

in a f***ing chair like that?

Do you mean how do I sleep

with all your f***ing noise over there?

You know there's nothing

to jack off to on the Internet?

Watch a video, you degenerate.

Oh, I'm a degenerate?

I'm a degenerate?

You're the one who bought

all the videos in the first place

- and I'm a degenerate?

- You've watched these 1 00 times.

That's why you need new sh*t.

Yeah, you're a f***ing degenerate.

F*** you.

Don't get all high and mighty.

F*** me? F*** you!

Why don't you stop

smoking all these cigarettes

and doing all this f***ing coke!

I gotta work in the morning

and I can't sleep

- choking on all this f***ing smoke!

- You smoke, you a**hole!

Not when I'm sleeping.

And clean this place up.

It's like living

in a f***ing toxic waste dump!

Oh, great. Now I get to live

with Martha f***in' Stewart here?

If I was Martha f***ing Stewart,

you'd be jerkin' off in front of me

all f***in' day, you f***in' loser!

Don't call me a loser.

Don't call me a f***ing loser, b*tch.

- You're a f***ing loser.

- Don't call me a loser!

- Take it back!

- Don't you square off with me!

- I will kick your ass!

- Take it back!

You son of a b*tch!

- Take it back!

- F***ing...

What these two idiots don't know

is that they're less than a year away

from being worth millions

and millions of dollars.

And turning the Internet

into what it is today.

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George Gallo

George Gallo, Jr. (born 1956) is an American screenwriter, film director, producer, painter and musician.He is best known for writing Midnight Run and 29th Street, and is an accomplished painter in the style of the Pennsylvania Impressionists. In 1990, he won the coveted Arts for the Parks award, and has had three one-man exhibitions in New York City. In 2010, he wrote and directed the film Middle Men starring Luke Wilson.He currently lives in Los Angeles. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Middle Men" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/middle_men_13727>.

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