Men in Black II

Synopsis: Kay and Jay reunite to provide our best, last and only line of defense against a sinister seductress who levels the toughest challenge yet to the MIBs untarnished mission statement: protecting the earth from the scum of the universe. It's been four years since the alien-seeking agents averted an intergalactic disaster of epic proportions. And now it's a race against the clock as Jay must convince Kay-who not only has absolutely no memory of his time spent with the Men In Black, but is also the only living person left with the expertise to save the galaxy-to reunite with the MIB before the earth submits to ultimate destruction.
Director(s): Barry Sonnenfeld
Production: Columbia Pictures
  4 wins & 15 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
88 min

Mysteries in History,

with your host, Peter Graves.

Although no one has ever been able

to prove their existence...

... a quasi-government agency,

the Men in Black...

... supposedly carries out operations

here on Earth...

... in order to k eep us safe from aliens

throughout the galaxies.

Here is one of their stories

that "never happened"...

... from one of their files

that doesn't exist.

flee their planet...

... in order to escape the clutches

of the evil Kylothian, Serleena.

Arriving on Earth, the Zarthans bring

with them their greatest treasure...

The Light of Zartha,

a cosmic force so powerful...

... that in the wrong hands it could

lead to the annihilation of Zartha.

The Zarthans' princess, Lauranna,

beseeched the Men in Black...

... to hide the Light from Serleena.

But they had no choice.

Intervention would have meant

the destruction of the Earth.

However, in an act of galactic bravery,

the Men in Black subdued Serleena...

... allowing the Zarthans to escape...

... so they might hide the Light

on another planet.

Serleena, released from her captors,

v owed that the Light would be hers...

... and that she would destroy

any planet that stood in her way.

And so, never knowing what happened...

... the people of Earth were saved

by a secret society of protectors...

... known as the Men in Black.


Harvey, get over here!

Harvey. Heel, heel!

You're barking at the moon, moron.

Harvey. Harvey!

Hey, pretty lady.

You taste good.

Hey, what the...?

Yeah, you too.

Nothing fancy, no heroics.

By the book.

Got it. Hey!

Hey, Jeff. What's happening, buddy?

- We were wondering why you're here.

- The man's talking to you.

You know our arrangements.

Stay in the E, F and R subway lines...

...and you get all the garbage

you want.

What the hell are you doing here,

worm boy?



Excuse my partner.

He's new and he's...

...kind of stupid.

...kind of stupid.

You getting big, Jeff.

Boy, what you been eating?

You like jokes, huh?


All right.

Sweet dreams, big boy.

Sweet dreams...

...big boy.

Transit authority.

Move to the forward car.

We got a bug in the electrical system.

People! We got a bug

in the electrical system!

Now y'all running?

No, no, no! Sit down!

It's only a 600-foot worm.

- Everybody out.

- Put the hammer down on this thing.

I'm Captain Larry Bridgewater.

I decide what happens.

You decide?

Okay, come here. Come here.

Larry? That's my man, Jeff.

- Larry just made a decision.

- Larry need to take his ass in there.

Don't make me do this, Jeff!

Eighty-first Street.

Just a second.

May I have your attention, please?

We thank you

for participating in our drill.

Had this been an emergency,

you'd have been eaten.

Because you don't listen.

You're ignorant.

How a man gonna bash through...?

That's the problem with New Yorkers.

"We've seen it all. A 600-foot worm!

Save us, Mr. Black Man!"

I ask you nice, " Move to the next car."

You just sit there like...

Thank you for participating.

Hopefully, you enjoyed our smaller,

energy-efficient subway cars.

Watch your step.

You will have a nice evening.

I need a cleanup crew

at 81 st and Central Park West.

Revoke Jeff's movement privileges.

Have him escorted

to the Chambers Street station.

And please check the expiration date

on the unipod worm tranquillizers.

Sorry, fellas. Station closed.

- Emergency drill. For your safety.

- Do you believe these putzes?

You're welcome.

I know, by the book.

Tee, when was the last time

we just looked at the stars?

This is a test. I can do this.

Ever feel like you're alone

in the universe?



- Hey, let me buy you a piece of pie.

- Really?


Hey, you're not alone

in the universe.

- Remove the arm.

- Okay.

Please, shut up, Charlie.

Please, shut up, Charlie.

I'm tired of you constantly talking

behind my back.

I'm tired of you constantly talking

behind my back.

You meet a girl. She's into it.

The best line you come up with is:

"Wanna come back to my place for some

tonsil hockey and egg salad?"

- Who are you and how'd you get in here?

- You like egg salad?


Why didn't you say it was you?

- Where's the Light?

- Here's the deal.

You're looking for this Light.

We found it.

You want it, it'll cost you 50 mill.

Here's how it'll work. First...

Where is the Light?

We couldn't find it, but we found

a guy who might know where it is.

He runs a pizza parlour

on Spring Street.

Let's go. And wipe your nose, idiot.

- Good pie.

- Yeah.


Well, they got good pie.

What's wrong with you?

- You're gonna neuralyze me.

- No, I'm not.

You took me here

so I wouldn't make a scene.

You making a scene.

Let me ask you a question.

Why did you join MiB?

Six years in the Marines.

I like the action. Protect the planet.

You like being a hero?

You joined the wrong organization.

- You ever heard of James Edwards?

- No.

Well, he saved the lives of 85 people

on the subway tonight.

No one knows he exists.

And if no one knows he exists,

how can anyone ever love him?

Hey, how long we been partners?

- Feb 1.

- Five months, three days.

- Started at noon.

- Nine hours.

Get married. Have a bunch of kids.


Excuse me. My buddy's kind of shy,

but he thinks you are hot.

Here it is.

I don't know what to say.

Years from now,

you know what people'll say?

Rate this script:3.0 / 2 votes

Robert Gordon

Robert Gordon is an American screenwriter and producer. His writing credits consist of Addicted to Love (1997), Galaxy Quest (1999), Men in Black II (2002), and Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004). He also was an associate producer on Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004). more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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