Men in Black script
Men in Black (1997)
Synopsis: They are the best-kept secret in the universe. Working for a highly funded yet unofficial government agency, Kay (Tommy Lee Jones) and Jay (Will Smith) are the Men in Black, providers of immigration services and regulators of all things alien on Earth. While investigating a series of unregistered close encounters, the MIB agents uncover the deadly plot of an intergalactic terrorist who is on a mission to assassinate two ambassadors from opposing galaxies currently in residence in New York City.

EXT. ROAD - TEXAS/MEXICO BORDER - NIGHT

A million stars wink in the night desert sky. Down here on

earth, an insect, one of those big, beautiful, multicolored

four-winged jobs, glides effortlessly on the breeze, wafting

along through the crisp Texas air.

The insect dips, it banks, it does loop-the-loops -- and

then SPLATS unceremoniously against the windshield of a white

van that's tearing down the road.

INT. VAN - TEXAS/MEXICO BORDER - NIGHT

The DRIVER of the van, a fifty-year-old American, turns on

the wipers, smearing the remains all over.

DRIVER:

Goddamn bugs.

He squirts some wiper fluid onto the glass, which clears it

up a bit, but now he sees something worse up ahead. It's a

grouping of headlights, eight of them, all pointed at him,

sealing off the road.

He bites his lip and calls over his shoulder, to the back of

the van. He speaks in Spanish, which is subtitled.

DRIVER:

Deja me hablar.

(Let me do the talking.)

EXT. ROAD - TEXAS/MEXICO BORDER - NIGHT

The van slows to a stop in front of the parked cars, all

government-issue four doors with "INS" stenciled on the sides.

Seven or eight INS AGENTS stand in front of the cars

imposingly. Their apparent leader steps forward and comes to

the window.

The DRIVER rolls it down. AGENT JANUS, blonde-haired, blue-

eyed, also government issue, looks at him and sighs.

AGENT JANUS:

Well. Nick the Dick. What a surprise.

Where you comin' from?

DRIVER:

I was fishing in Cuernavaca.

AGENT JANUS:

Sure you were. What do you say we

have a look at your catch?

AT THE BACK OF THE VAN,

the Agents fling open the rear doors, revealing a DOZEN

FRIGHTENED MEXICANS, hopeful immigrants without official

permission. Agent Janus looks at the Driver, who's now held

by two other Agents, and shakes his head.

AGENT JANUS:

Me, I woulda thrown 'em back.

(to the passengers,

in Spanish)

Vamanos. Fuera. Hagan una lina!

(Let's go. Out. Form

a line!)

They pile out of the van. Some are parents with small

children.

AGENT JANUS:

What do you get, Nick? Hundred bucks

a head? Two hundred? I hope you saved

it all for your lawyer, pal, 'cause

you're gonna need --

He stops in the middle of his sentence, as another car is

approaching, fast, its engine WHINING as it barrels down the

road toward them. Several Agents pull their weapons.

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Ed Solomon

Ed Solomon is an American writer, producer and director. He began his career in college as a joke writer, stand up comedian, and playwright and, while still in college, was a staff writer for Laverne ... more…

All Ed Solomon scripts | Ed Solomon Books

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