Meatballs

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Attention, Camp North Star,

senior staff, counselors,

and counselors in training,

please rise for our national anthem.

How about that anthem, huh?

Gee, I don't know about you,

but I just get a great big

lump in my throat every time I hear it.

Well, it's 7:
05 in the a.m.,

and it's, wow, 43 degrees

on the old Camp North Star

weather dial,

and, well, that is kind of nippy

for a June 25, isn't it?

I'm Tripper Harrison...

I'm your head counselor,

and this is my wake-up show.

I'll be coming at you every morning

about this time,

hoping to make

your summer camp experience

the best available in this price range.

'Course, across the lake,

over at Camp Mohawk,

they won't be getting up

for another hour or so,

and when they do,

they'll be awakened by servants

bearing croissants and caf au lait.

Hope I didn't hit anybody.

But over here,

at Camp North Star this morning,

we're gonna be having

a delicious gruel breakfast,

and don't forget to ask for seconds,

because it's all the gruel you can eat.

Okay, everybody.

Can I have your attention, please?

Okay, everybody, I'm waiting.

People, settle down.

Okay. That's better.

Look it, there's a lot of new people

out there this year,

so before we go any further,

I wanna introduce myself.

My name's Morty Melnick.

- Hi, Mickey.

- Hi, Mickey.

My name's Morty, not Mickey.

Now, the buses are leaving

tomorrow morning at 6:30

to pick up the kids,

and it's very important

you get your bus assignments

to know which group of

kids you're in charge of.

Don't argue with me, Bradley.

Now, you can get rabies

from a raccoon, too.

- Tell him, Morrie.

- That's right, Bradley.

And don't forget to put paper

on the toilet seat cover,

'cause you could get

a terrible infection...

Oh, you know what I meant to ask you,

did you bring smokes?

Oh, no, I couldn't. I forgot.

My mom found the carton

in my suitcase, she had a sh*t-fit.

- Well, why don't we go get some?

- Yeah, okay.

Mommy? Mommy?

Where's my mommy?

Tripper, I'm looking forward

to some action this summer,

I hope you and your gentlemen

can supply it for me.

Well, I could supply you, but the guy

you gotta watch out for is Spaz.

- Spaz?

- He's a sex machine.

Are you kidding me?

He couldn't wake me up

with a trumpet and a drum.

Well, I went out with him one night,

and he got us six nurses by himself,

and four of them

couldn't report to work the next morning.

You gonna be okay?

Hey, I'll see you

at the end of the summer, okay?

Okay.

This bus does not have

a safety inspection sticker.

It's a fine old bus.

No, it's not. It is a piece of junk.

I need to tell my father,

and he's gonna report you

to the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Roxanne!

And you're going to jail. You know?

Jail? Behind bars?

Yeah, just like last year, we'll hate it.

Yeah. Camp is lousy, and you're a dork.

Yeah, yeah, you're right,

you sure are one.

- Hiya.

- Come on.

- Hi.

- What do you want?

- What, are you having trouble?

- I can't get these kids on the bus.

- Okay. Let me talk to them.

- That's because I'm not going.

Come here, guys,

I wanna have a word with you, all right?

No.

- Okay, now you guys, look, you...

- What?

- You better get on the bus, or...

- Why?

Well, because if you don't,

I'm gonna beat the pants off of you.

Not bad, huh?

- Hey, watch it, that stuff's expensive.

- Very good, sir.

Hey, Spaz, bud. How you doing, buddy?

Hey, Spaz, good to see you.

Oh, hey, give that back.

Come on, Spaz.

No, we're doing you a favor.

- Give it back!

- You wanna make us, Spaz?

- Yeah.

- Horse, give him back the milkshake.

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