Mean Girls Page #5

Oh, this is Susan from

Planned Parenthood.

I have her test results. If you can have

her give me a call as soon as she can.

It's urgent. Thank you.

She's not going out with anyone.

OK, that was so fetch.

Mom.

Your house is really nice.

I know, right?

Make sure you check out

her mom's boob job.

They're hard as rocks.

I'm home! Hey, Kylie.

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey!

How are my best girlfriends?

Hey, Mrs. George. This is Cady.

Hello, sweetheart.

- Hi.

- Welcome to our home.

Just want you to know, if you need

anything, don't be shy, OK?

There are no rules in this house.

I'm not like a regular mom.

I'm a cool mom. Right, Regina?

- Please stop talking.

- OK.

I'm gonna make you girls

a "hump day" treat.

This is your room?

It was my parents' room,

but I made them trade me.

Hey, put on 98.8.

Cady, do you even know

who sings this?

- The Spice Girls?

- I love her.

She's like a Martian.

- God, my hips are huge!

- Oh, please. I hate my calves.

At least you guys can wear halters.

I've got man shoulders.

I used to think there

was just fat and skinny.

Apparently, there's a lot of things

that can be wrong on your body.

- My hairline is so weird.

- My pores are huge.

My nail beds suck.

I have really bad breath

in the morning.

Hey, you guys.

Happy hour is from 4 to 6!

Thanks.

Is there alcohol in this?

Oh, God, honey, no. What kind

of mother do you think I am?

Do you want a bit? If you're gonna

drink, I'd rather you do it in the house.

- No, thank you.

- OK.

So, you guys, what is the 411?

What has everybody been up to?

What is the hot gossip?

Tell me everything.

What are you guys listening to?

What's the cool jams?

Mom.

- Could you go fix your hair?

- OK.

You girls keep me young.

Oh, I love you so much.

Oh, my God, I remember this.

- I haven't looked at that in forever.

- Come check it out, Cady.

It's our Burn Book.

See, we cut out girls' pictures

from the yearbook,

and then we wrote comments.

- "Trang Pak is a grotsky little byotch."

- Still true.

- "Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin."

- Still half true.

"Amber D'Alessio."

She made out with a hot dog.

"Janis lan, dyke."

- Who is that?

- I think that's that kid Damian.

Yeah. He's almost too gay

to function.

That's funny. Put that in there.

Oh, no. Maybe that was only OK

when Janis said it.

And they have this Burn Book

where they write mean things

- about all the girls in our grade.

- What does it say about me?

- You're not in it.

- Those b*tches.

- Will this minimize my pores?

- No. Cady,

you gotta steal that book.

- No way!

- Oh, come on. We could publish it,

and then everybody would see

what an ax-wound she really is.

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