Mean Creek Page #3

Go ahead and open it.

Yeah, Sam, go ahead and open it.

You already opened

all your other presents at home.

Stream Machine's top of the line.

I have one at home,

so we can have a war sometime.

- Isn't it excellent?

- Oh, yeah, thank you, George.

You must've blown your whole

allowance on that thing, huh, George?

How much you bagging

a week now, 40, 50 bucks?

It's very sweet of you, George.

I got it at Funco.

- You can return it if you want.

- Oh, no, it's perfect.

Well...

...it's a beautiful day

for a boat trip with some buddies.

Hey, Marty?

My mom made me sign

one of those contracts.

It's just, like... You know, I'm not

allowed to get in a car with a driver

- who's been drinking.

- Oh, it's cool.

My mom gave me permission

to drink and drive.

- You don't have to worry about it.

- Your mom must be pretty stupid

to give you permission

to drive inebriated.

No, you're right, George.

My mom is pretty stupid.

In fact, she's got one of those

learning-disability things.

Must be a bad LD.

I have an LD,

but I should know you're

not supposed to drive drunk.

I see stuff all backwards and sh*t.

Like, instead of seeing "stop"

on a stop sign,

I see "pots."

My doctor says it's

a genetic variation,

like for evolution.

So maybe I'm a superior being.

The future of the race.

Like, if aliens came down

and they had a...

A language,

a super-advanced language,

that said you had to read

this way to that way,

instead of that way

to this way.

Sh*t.

Yo, kidlings.

What are you guys doing here?

Eating mini beef tacos.

Finest mini beef tacos

in the world here.

Yummy.

What, did you steal

Mom's car again?

- Why do you care?

- I don't give a f***.

Who's the minors?

It's just my brother

and some of his friends.

What are the paddles for?

We're going cow spanking.

Cow spanking, what's that?

It's like cow tipping,

only we spank.

Really.

Come on, let's just get the smokes

and get out of here.

Camels.

While you boys are out

cow spanking,

Kile and I are gonna go

p*ssy hunting.

- Good for you, Jasper.

- Hey, don't get sassy with my boy.

You ever been p*ssy hunting?

No, I didn't think so.

You know how I knew?

Because you gotta have some bait

to catch one.

That's great.

Grow up, Jasper.

Let's go, Marty.

Jesus, Jasper.

Why do you have to...?

Dumb fucks.

Why do you have

to act so retarded?

Have fun cow spanking, boys.

- Oh, man. That was awesome.

- You see that sh*t?

- So whose road is this?

- It's just a road.

Hey, you guys ever hear about

when Rocky and I

were kicking it out here?

We got some poison oak

on our hands.

This is a disgusting story.

Anyway, so we were out here,

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