Me and Earl and the Dying Girl Page #4

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Doopie, Doopie, chill!

So over the years we've

mostly hung out at my place.

Usually with my dad,

a tenured sociology professor.

What you got, cat?

You wanna fight?

Didn't think so, punk-ass cat.

- Boys!

- His job allows him

to be frequently at home

doing nothing.

You'll want to pay

close attention to this.

The insane conquistador,

Aguirre,

is raging through the jungle...

...in search of a golden city

that doesn't exist.

The wrath of God.

It's a classic

of foreign cinema.

Who else is with me?

In addition to the best films...

This is cuttlefish.

...my house also has

the weirdest food.

A sea creature

much like a squid.

It is a favorite East Asian

snack food.

Obviously we come from

pretty different backgrounds.

But somehow, we like

most of the same things.

Yes, its smell is

odd and repellent

to our Western noses.

And we learned pretty early on

that we were the only ones

who liked...

...for example,

classics of foreign cinema.

Why did we like them?

It's hard to say.

Maybe it's that they were

weird and often violent,

like us.

Or confusing and possibly

meaningless, like life.

You can't escape of

this stinkin' camp

because you never know

when they call you.

Because you're paid for,

you're under contract.

Anyway,

we liked them so much

we started making our own.

Action!

The idea behind

each one was...

...we took a film

that we liked

and made the title stupider.

And then made a new film

to reflect

the new stupid title.

It's a formula that only

produces horrible films...

...but for some reason

we keep using it.

We've made 42 films.

You'd think we'd have stopped

making them by now.

But we haven't.

Honestly, it's like

you can't go anywhere.

You can't escape this

stinking place...

...because you don't know

when they call you...

and you're paid to be here,

it's bullshit.

Yeah, and it's like, you know,

I can't do anything.

I'm not a free person.

Truly, one of my favorites

from your oeuvre.

A mature investigation

into the nature of violence.

Dad, for like

the billionth time,

you're not allowed

to watch these.

I'm a fan.

You gonna go see

that girl again?

I mean, probably, yeah.

You gonna play

with them titties?

No. It's not like that.

Well, that's not right.

I mean, this could be

her last chance on Earth

to be with a man.

Don't make this about you.

Earl!

First of all,

if it's that high-stakes,

probably won't even be able

to get a boner.

Did I even say sh*t

about boners?

No.

What kind of cancer even is

acute myelogenous leukemia?

You know, cancer of the, uh...

...the thing.

It's bullshit!

The Battle of Antietam was

the bloodiest day

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