Max on Set: The Hangover Page #3

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Yeah. You wanna explain it

to them, Alan?

Guys, my dad loves this car

more than he loves me, so, yeah.

Aw, whatever. I left my wife and kid

at home so I could go with you guys.

- You know how difficult that was?

- That's really sweet.

- Yeah.

- Dude, I was being sarcastic.

I f***ing hate my life.

- I may never go back. I might stay in Vegas.

- Here we go.

Doug, enjoy yourself,

because come Sunday...

...you're gonna start dying

just a little bit every day.

Yeah. That's why I've managed

to stay single this whole time, you know?

- Oh, really? That's why you're single?

- Yeah.

Cool. Good to know.

- Am I all right over there, Alan?

- Yeah, you're good.

[TRUCK HONKS]

[TIRES SQUEAL]

DOUG:

Aw, Jesus Christ!

- Oh, my God!

- That was awesome!

That was not awesome.

What's wrong with you?

- That was insane. We almost just died.

- You should have seen your face.

- Classic.

- That's funny. Ha-ha.

It's not funny.

[MAN WHISTLES]

- Boy, you've got a sweet ride there.

- Don't touch it.

Don't even look at it. Go on, get out.

You heard me.

Don't look at me, either.

Yeah, you better walk on.

- He's actually kind of funny.

- Yeah, he means well.

ALAN:

I'll hit an old man in public.

Is he all there? Like, mentally?

I think so. He's just an odd guy.

You know, he's kind of weird.

- I mean, should we be worried?

- No.

- All right.

- No.

Tracy did mention

that we shouldn't let him gamble.

Or drink too much.

Jesus, he's like a gremlin.

Comes with instructions and sh*t.

STU:

And one water.

- All good with Melissa?

- Oh, yeah.

Told her we're two hours

outside of wine country, and she bought it.

You think it's strange you've been

in a relationship for years...

...and you have to lie about Vegas?

Yeah, I do.

But trust me, it's not worth the fight.

Oh, so you can't go to Vegas but she can

f*** a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?

Hey.

Okay, first of all, he was a bartender.

And she was wasted.

And, if you must know,

he didn't even come inside her.

And you believe that?

Uh, yeah, I do believe that,

because she's grossed out by semen.

That'll be 32.50.

It's 32.50, you gonna pay for it?

It says here we should work in teams.

Who wants to be my spotter?

I don't think you should be doing

too much gambling tonight, Alan.

Gambling?

Who said anything about gambling?

It's not gambling

when you know you're gonna win.

Counting cards is a foolproof system.

It's also illegal.

It's not illegal, it's frowned upon,

like masturbating on an airplane.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm pretty sure that's illegal too.

Yeah, maybe after 9/11,

where everybody got so sensitive.

Thanks a lot, Bin Laden.

Either way, you gotta be super smart

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