Maternity Blues Page #4

This doesn't mean forgetting

the offence, the sin,

it means processing the hatred felt,

and the resentment.

She too will have to learn

how to forgive herself.

I can't even pray.

You have to learn to accept

that evil lies within us too.

But we can change,

even if we are fragile.

Very fragile.

- You've learnt how to make coffee?

- I chucked eight away.

Less than usual, great!

Here.

- What is it?

- The Christmas party.

Every year we prepare it together.

The hospital's big social event.

This beats Neapolitan coffee.

A lot of local people come.

You have nice hands.

Are you married?

Yes.

No.

I don't know.

What about you?

I had a boyfriend.

- Can I read you a letter later?

- Who wrote it?

I did, I haven't sent it yet.

He started writing to me last year

after seeing me on TV.

He'd read the articles on me,

he knew everything about me.

About everything that happened

to me.

- Have you met him?

- No, he's in Abruzzo.

He's an electrician.

Want to see a photo?

- He looks very young.

- I know.

Is that a problem?

- I don't know, how old is he?

- 19.

Four years younger than me.

What does he write?

He tells me he plays pool,

he wins lots of tournaments.

And he writes nice, sweet things.

I think he finds me attractive.

- Do the others know?

- Something.

Dr Scalia says there's no harm in it,

that everything's going well.

After all, he decides everything.

Read it to me.

Dear Michele,

the things you write

are really nice.

I didn't know what I was doing

and you understood that.

It's nice when someone

understands you

and isn't just pointing their finger

at you.

My friend Vincenza

says God isn't mad at me

and that people's minds

are very complicated.

Take suicides for example,

the person seems really happy

then one day

they turn the gas on and bang!

They're gone.

Thank you for your letters,

you make me have nice thoughts,

sweet thoughts that I've missed.

And I like this.

I think that making love with you

will be like making love with angels.

I don't know if we'll ever make love

but imagining it is better

than nothing.

I'm making progress,

I may get out before I'm wrinkly,

with saggy tits, or pessimistic tits,

as Vincenza says,

that look down.

I do lots of exercise and it's been

seven months since I had a relapse.

Write and tell me if it's too soon

to call you my darling and so on.

After all, we don't know each other.

I'll wait for you.

I won't be going anywhere!

Love, Caterina.

Well?

It's beautiful, Rina.

Thanks, you're a friend.

Don't get your hopes up though.

Why?

Where's the harm?

It's what you could do to yourself.

I don't understand.

Sorry... I don't know.

I'm just thinking about you.

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