
Mary And Max
Mary Dinkle's eyes were the colour
of muddy puddles.
Her birthmark, the colour of poo.
(Dogs bark)
It was Saturday afternoon
and she was bored.
Mary wished she had a friend
to play piggybacks with.
Mary's mood ring, which she'd found
in a cereal box, was grey
which, according to the chart,
meant she was either pensive,
unconsciously ambitious or hungry.
Her only friends were 'The Noblets'
from her favourite cartoon.
They weren't the real ones
you bought in the shops
but fake ones she had to make herself
from shells, gumnuts, pompoms
and the chicken bones salvaged
from Friday night's takeaway.
She had to make all her own toys,
and her favourites were Shrinkies
potato chip packets that
she had shrunk in the oven.
Mary's father, Noel Norman Dinkle,
worked in a factory,
attaching the strings to tea bags.
At show and tell, she told the class
he could get as many free tea bags
as he wanted.
Her favourite tea bag was Earl Grey.
and would like one day to marry
someone called Earl Grey.
They would live
in a castle in Scotland,
have 9 babies, 2 ducks...
..and a dog called Kevin.
Noel's hobby was to sit in his shed
on the side of the freeway.
Mary wished he'd spend more time
with her and less with his dead friends.
She also wished she had
some brothers and sisters.
Her mother had told her
she was "an accident".
How could someone be an accident?
Grandpoppy Ralph had told her
that babies were deliberate
and found by dads
Grandpoppy Ralph
and had been a member of the Frankston
lce Breakers for 51 years.
Aaagh! Aaaaaghhh!
They swam in winter to feel alive.
Grandpoppy Ralph had said
it made his nipples erect.
He had died the year before, aged 74,
and his best mate, Ken,
had recited a poem in his honour.
Born in a barn
in the hills of Boronia,
Ralph lived a long life,
then died of pneumonia.
Mary missed him
and often wondered
why he had drunk ammonia.
especially her mother,
Vera Lorraine Dinkle.
To Mary, Vera always seemed wobbly.
And he's out!
Vera liked listening
and her main ingredient
was always sherry.
She told Mary it was a type of tea
for grown-ups
Just out of the reach
of the lead. 6/96 England.
Mary thought her mother tested
the sherry...way too much.
Mary also couldn't understand
why Vera was always "borrowing".
Yesterday, she borrowed
some fish fingers from Aisle 6.
She told Mary she put things
up her dress to save on plastic bags.
Vera was indeed a complicated soul.
Oooh!
Mary stopped daydreaming
and went and fetched
her pet rooster from the rain.
Her father had found the rooster
on the side of the freeway
after it had fallen off the back
of a slaughter truck.
She named him Ethel.
It was time to watch "The Noblets".
She adored "The Noblets"
because everyone was brown,
lived in a teapot
and had oodles of friends.
There was nothing nicer,
Mary thought to herself,
than the smell of a wet rooster...
..the sound of rain on the roof
and the taste of sweetened
condensed milk straight from the can
while watching your favourite cartoon.
Meanwhile, a man called Max Horowitz
also watched "The Noblets".
Max's small television
had picture but no sound.
His big television, sound but no picture.
He was 44 and liked "The Noblets"
as they lived in a delineated
and articulated social structure
Translation
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Citation
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"Mary And Max" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 28 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/mary_and_max_13437>.