Mancation

MANCATION:

# Sweat, baby, sweat, baby,

sex is a texas drought #

# Me and you do

the kind of stuff #

# That only prince

would sing about #

# So put your hands

down my pants #

# And i'll bet

you'll feel nuts #

# Yes, I'm siskel,

yes, I'm ebert #

# And you're getting

two thumbs up #

# You've had enough

of two-Hand touch #

# You want it rough,

you're out of bounds #

# I want you smothered,

want you covered #

# Like my waffle house

hash browns #

# Coming quicker than fed ex,

never reaching apex #

# Just like coca-Cola stock

you are inclined #

# To make me rise

an hour early #

- # Just like daylight savings time #

- # Do it now

# You and me, baby,

ain't nothin' but mammals #

# So let's do it like they do

on the discovery channel... #

Oh, that's what

I'm talking about!

- Shock dew!

- Yes!

Keep 'em coming, sweetheart.

What's up?

You wanna go, grimace? You

feel strong? Let's do this.

- I ain't scared of you.

- Come on, sit down. Relax.

- All right. - Don't think i can

take the big blue ox over there?

- Okay, let's go. We've got shots

to do here. - F*** that guy.

All right. Gentlemen, we

have assembled here tonight

To celebrate vince,

Even though my wedding and marriage

was pretty much not enjoyable

And i try to forget it

as much as i possibly can.

Adam over here obviously will probably

never get married. Is that right, adam?

I would much sooner cut my own

dick off with a rusty pie tin.

- Ah. You're a poet.

All right.

Marriage is

a lot of work

And anytime

that you need any help...

And you know,

i mean help with cyndi...

I am here to round out

the train on her.

- - I'm just messing

with you. Really seriously,

She's a beautiful woman,

an amazing woman.

Now when we had

the rehearsal dinner,

She actually told me that

nothing turns her on more

Than a good old-Fashioned

cleveland steamer.

- Oh, come on.

- That's romantic. That's...

- You're the worst!

- Oh, but no, seriously, really,

You know what?

You're a fine man

- With a very small penis.

- Thank you.

- To vince!

- To vince.

Yeah,

bachelor f***ing party!

Oh, really?

Lovely ladies

and gentlemen,

Club risque would like

To welcome

a very special guest

- In our v. I.P. Section this evening.

- That's not good.

- I have nothing to do with that.

- He's getting

- Married in the morning.

Boo!

Come on, come on.

- I know. He's a f***ing moron.

Yeah!

But his friends

have decided

To make sure that this is his

last night of... And i quote...

"Being waist-Deep in poon

Like he's fly-Fishing

for that sh*t. "

- That's me.

- So, mr. Vincent reynolds,

Sit back and enjoy

The lovely sienna.

Yeah yeah yeah!

All right, yeah!

Oh my.

Huh huh?

Whoa.

Hi.

Oh, she's... Hi.

- Sienna, is it?

- Mm-Hmm.

- You're very fit.

- Shut up.

Okay.

Thanks, guys.

Hey hey hey!

- Look at you? Big man on campus.

- How are you?

- Good to see you.

- You too.

- Congratulations, big brother.

- Dude, thank you.

You're cutting it

kinda close.

You realize you're in a

wedding in six hours, right?

Yeah, but my train was late.

It wasn't my fault.

- I'm kidding. - Oh hey, who gets

married on a friday, anyway? Huh?

- All right, get in.

- Okay.

Oh oh, i can't believe you're

actually getting married.

What's that supposed to mean?

Oh, uh, nothing.

I just... You know,

- With your career and your schedule.

- Yeah well,

You know, cyndi's

a very business-Savvy woman.

She knows what it takes

to be the best.

- Her father did it.

- Really?

So i guess you could say

i just got lucky.

Yeah, speaking

of getting lucky,

- Hmm?

- What are you, 12?

- When's the honeymoon gonna be?

- You... You do realize

We've had sex before, right? I mean,

we've lived together for like a year.

Oh. Yeah, i just... Duh.

I know, i jus... Where...

Where's it gonna be?

Nowhere yet. I've got

a big merger on monday,

So we're gonna do a stay-At-Home

honeymoon kind of thing.

Mmm, nice.

Exotic. Ooh.

Hey, that's the ex...

Why are we going this way?

I've got to pick up

the flowers at stein's.

But... Seriously,

rebecca is your florist?

Yeah, why wouldn't she be? She's

a great florist, awesome friend.

Yeah, but,

come on, vince.

I've always seen the way

you've always looked at her.

- Grow up.

- Don't look at me like that.

- You know what I'm saying.

Didn't.

Yes, it did.

It didn't.

Yes, it did.

- No, that's not how it happened.

You're a liar.

You lied.

You said we'll all

go to the party...

- no... in a group

costume, and you never showed.

So i looked like a fool,

because voltron needs

- All the components to make sets.

- But there would've only

Been two of us. There would've

been an arm and a torso.

- Instead of just... You know, just you.

- Instead of just me.

- - You ruined my

halloween. It still haunts me.

Uh, so you wanna see

the bouquet?

The what?

Oh, yeah, of course.

- That's why I'm here. - You got

something going on later today? Yeah.

Oh, wow.

That is beautiful.

Thank you.

Cyndi's gonna love it.

No problem.

- Uh, so listen, I've gotta

get going, but... - Yeah.

...after the reception, a

bunch of us were talking about

Going back to my house, keep

the party going. You should come.

No way. I don't think

i can make it happen.

- Come on, why not?

- Well, if you must know,

I'm going to atlantic city

for the weekend.

- When did you become a party girl?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes