Man of the Year Page #3

seriousness of purpose and significant support

"going into the final 30 days of an election

"should be included in debates. " Unquote.

Yes!

Well, I fully agree with the debate committee's

inclusion of Tom Dobbs.

He's by far the strongest of the independents

and I'm very much looking forward to the debate.

I'm more than confident

of my decisions, my positions,

and my relationship with the voting public.

And my hair.

Oh...

I think the first thing you gotta do

is say you have unconfirmed information

that the other candidates

have had sex with farm animals.

It goes back to the Johnson thing.

President Johnson said he wanted to accuse

his opponents of having sex with animals. OK?

His staffer said, "How can you prove that?"

He said, "I can't, but I wanna hear them deny it. "

- Seriousness of purpose.

- The debate is gonna be a night full of pomposity.

The air will be full of bullshit.

They'll be thanking everyone, do all those niceties.

They'll thank their wives, children,

all their campaign supporters.

This is our night to shine, Tom.

This is the opportunity of a lifetime.

It's like the comic who gets to play Carnegie Hall

but shows up and plays the violin.

It's not what they go to see.

How many analogies do you have left?

How many does it take to make my point?

I didn't mean to yell.

You gotta cut loose. In this debate,

get your show attitude in there.

Yeah, but may I reiterate?

They got me in

because of my seriousness of purpose.

- That's why we're in this debate.

- Serious talk puts us to sleep.

You wanna talk about a serious issue,

nowadays people tune out.

Wait a second.

Do you think anybody remembers the issues?

When there's a debate...

When was the last time any human being,

any American, watched the debate and went:

- "Oh, God! Did you hear what he said?"

- "I believe he talked about fiscal policy. "

"Oh, my God! My eyes are open

and I can hear again!"

All they remember is Nixon sweating

like Elizabeth Taylor after a Mexican meal.

That's not good.

I'm begging you, please. I'm like a man without

water. An acerbic comment, would it kill you?

More and more people are watching your show,

Jon Stewart, Bill Maher for news.

News from comedians. How crazy is that?

Let's move on. Alison, Jenny, your thoughts.

I hope this doesn't sound silly,

but the other two candidates are family men.

OK? And, Tom, with all due respect,

how are you gonna come off as family-friendly?

Well, I could hold my mother's ashes.

I know, we'd lose a certain amount of people there.

But Chicago, the dead vote.

She's right, Tom. As soon as the program starts

and we see the candidates' wives in their red suits...

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