Major! Page #5

So what the hell.

My sister and I were really

close, she passed away.

And I was very close to my mom

even though she couldn't

understand my

transitioning stuff.

I remember going back

after I'd been on hormones

and had breasts growing,

and flashed her

and she fainted!

I was so surprised I stood there

looking at her going

"Oh my gosh!

She fainted!

What am I supposed to do?"

So of course my dad came

and threw me out,

which was highly

understandable.

The theory was

that it's a phase.

I'm going to grow out of it,

as I turned 40

and then 50.

It's a phase.

He's gonna grow out of it.

I woulda wondered --

I would get tired

of telling myself that,

you know what I mean.

But they held onto that

until mother passed away.

She still was sure that

next year was gonna be the year

I became the man

I was supposed to be.

And it was so hard explaining

to her, I am the man

I'm supposed to be.

I'm lovely.

My sister couldn't handle it

at all, Cookie was

five years younger than me.

And it was just

so much trauma for her.

And when I would send

pictures back I'd send them

to my sister to see

how I was doing in New York

and what I looked like

and what was going on.

And it was just

so heartbreaking

when she burned

all those pictures.

And my mother never got over it.

She had like three boxes

full of pictures.

And every holiday, well

we're gonna put them in a book.

No one ever bought a book,

and they never left the box.

So Cookie told mother

one year that she was

going to do it for her.

Mother got all excited

and Cookie came back

and put a bunch of ashes

in front of my mother

on her table.

Mother goes

Well, what is this?"

"Oh, those are your pictures."

And she turned around

and walked out.

So, that was between them.

I had my own issues

with my folks.

It be what it be.

Cookie killed herself

when she was 26.

In Peoria, Illinois.

It was pretty devastating,

there was nothing I could do

to help her or save her.

And I would have liked to.

My dad made a mistake

of telling me one day that,

"Well, she took

the easy way out."

That's not easy.

I'm sorry.

You can say that

all you f***ing want to.

That is not an easy thing to do.

Because I think there's

an innate thing in us

to want to live,

see the next day.

Oh my transition,

it was years in the making.

It's not something that

just happens overnight.

You think about these things,

you have these feelings

that you just can't shake,

you just

I happened to be of course

at home, my mother

and dad were out.

And I went through my mother's

closet and put on one

of the little dresses

that would fit,

and was flitting

around the house.

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