Magic Mike

[AUDlENCE CHEERlNG]

DALLAS:

Let's f***ing get it on right now. Let's go.

Come on. Come on.

Here. Here.

Now, l want to go over a few rules

with y'all tonight.

Ain't that all right?

Don't worry about it. Rule number one.

This is the

"What can you touch and not touch" rules.

Can you touch this?

No, no, no.

Second touch.

Can you touch this?

No, no, no.

And finally....

[WOMEN WHOOPlNG]

Last one, ladies. Can you touch this?

Can you ever touch this?

Well, that's who the law says

that you cannot touch.

[WOMEN GROAN]

But l think l see a lot of lawbreakers

up in this house tonight.

[AUDlENCE WHOOPlNG AND CHEERlNG]

And l don't see a cop in sight.

All right?

Oh.

[SNlFFS]

[TRlMMER WHlRRlNG]

You know, l gotta go commando today

because someone...

...ripped off my favorite pair

of panties last night.

[CHUCKLES]

-Hey. lt's not funny.

-Heh, oh, sorry, heh.

-They were my grandma's.

-They were not your grandma's.

They could have been.

Can you throw me, uh, that shirt right there?

Hey, what are we gonna do about her?

MlKE [WHlSPERlNG]:

l don't know.

What was her name again?

What? l don't--

l'm sorry. What's her name?

[WHlSPERS]

Uh.

You don't even know.

-l do.

-You found her. You have to remember her.

-l know her name.

-What is it, then?

lt's....

[SHOUTS]

Penelope.

[MlKE CHUCKLES]

Whatever her name was, she was fun.

JOANNA:

That's a cool table. Where'd you get it?

MlKE:
That's just some old sh*t that blew up

on a beach after the last hurricane.

-You made that?

-Hmm?

You should sell these things.

Tsk, thank you. That's actually the idea.

Mike's Custom Furniture Concepts.

But the market hasn't really hit

the sweet spot yet.

Hm, l'm waiting for the bank to make

the competitive loans l'm looking for...

...and then l'll swoop in.

Cool.

l'm going to get out of here.

You guys are good?

What? You're just gonna leave us?

Yeah. What, are you gonna steal a bunch

of my sh*t or something?

Probably. That's what strangers do.

-Don't do that...maybe?

-Okay.

MlKE:
Okay.

-Okay.

So l'm going to see you again?

Tsk, uh, yeah, probably.

l don't know. l'll, uh, call you.

Bye.

MlKE:

Where's George and the guys?

SAL:
They f***ed me and took another gig

last minute. So l got these guys.

MlKE:

Where'd you get them?

Uh, you know, ah, industry referrals.

MlKE:
My dick. You got them off Craigslist?

SAL:
Heh.

l can't have f***ing union guys

around here...

...barking about benefits and sh*t.

Give me a break.

So, what am l supposed to do in there?

-Hey, you Sol? Sal. Adam.

-Sal.

Oh, Adam, how you doing? This is Mike.

You guys are gonna be working together.

Give me a minute?

l want to straighten something out there.

You can hop up there.

-You gotta be f***ing kidding me.

-What?

He's wearing f***ing tennis shoes.

He doesn't know--

Ah, heh, do me a favor, go up there

and do it for 14 bucks an hour.

l'm gonna do it for 20 bucks an hour.

[SAL SlGHS]

-l'll give you 1 8.

-Mm-mm.

Don't f*** with me.

You're like my son.

The son which you're gonna pay

$20 an hour.

MlKE:

What's up?

You ever, uh, tiled a roof before?

-No.

-F***.

How'd you get this job, anyways?

Craigslist.

And you put on your post

that you'd tiled houses before?

Yeah.

Right, ugh.

So, what do you got in your bag?

[CLEARS THROAT]

SAL:
Why don't you open it up?

ADAM:
There's nothing in it.

Why don't you open the f***ing bag

before l open your f***ing head up?

l got a nice ham, cheese sandwich....

You know how to read, huh?

One Pepsi a day. Read the cooler.

l'm gonna do my inventory.

lf l come up short, l'm coming right to you.

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