Machete Kills

Synopsis: During an operation of a Mexican Cartel, Machete Cortez and Sartana Rivera intercept the criminals alone, but another group arrives and a masked man kills Sartana. Machete is arrested, accused of killing his beloved Sartana and Sheriff Doakes hangs Machete. But the President of the USA Rathcock pardons and recruits Machete to kill the revolutionary Marcos Mendez that has threatened the USA with a missile with a bomb. Machete goes to San Antonio to meet the Miss San Antonio Blanca Vasquez that will be the liaison between Machete and President Rathcock. Then Machete goes to the brothel of Madame Desdemona to seek out the prostitute Cereza that is Mendez's mistress. Machete meets Mendez and learns that his heart is connected to the missile and only the arm dealer Luther Voz is capable to disarm the bomb. Now Machete needs to bring Mendez to the USA in less than twenty-four hours and save his new country in a dangerous journey with betrayals.

Genre: Action, Crime, Sci-Fi

Director(s): Robert Rodriguez

Actors: Danny Trejo, Mel Gibson, Demián Bichir, Amber Heard

Production: Open Road

3 nominations.


IMDB:: 5.6
Metacritic:: 41
Rotten Tomatoes:: 28%

Collection Edit Watch PDF Buy

: R
Year:: 2013
: 107 min
: $5,658,869
: Website
: 123 Views

1
A new world enslaved.
This is a land
in need of a hero.
They call him
Machete. Machete.
Machete.
He knows the score.
We need a leader.
We need a revolution.
We need you, Machete.
He gets the space babes.
The people need us, Machete.
This is a new Network.
It's all galactic and shit.
He thinks he's God in Heaven.
So Heaven must fall.
And he kills the bad guys.
Starring Danny Trejo,
Michelle Rodriguez...
Eat photons, bitches.
...Alexa Vega.
With Justin Bieber as Bleep.
And Lady Gaga as
whoever she wants to be.
With special guest star
Leonardo DiCaprio as
the Man in the Silver Mask.
Actor subject to change
Machete Kills Again...
...In Space.
Rated X for cigarette use,
prolonged sexual content,
pervasive language
and space violence.
Where the f*ck are they?
Hands up, assholes!
ICE. You're under arrest!
Stay down!
Immigration?
The f*ck is this?
What the f*ck
does it look like?
Get your ass on the ground.
Sweetheart, I'd lose whatever
strapdick you rode in on...
Don't call me sweetheart.
Move and I'll blow
your brains out.
You can't!
You don't have jurisdiction!
We're the goddamned military!
You're selling military
weapons to the cartel.
Did you really think
they were gonna pay you?
You're lucky we got here first.
Cartel.
Where's el cohete?
It's about goddamn time!
You f*ckholes were
supposed to be waiting.
Save these two for me.
I know you.
You're Machete.
Enemy of the cartels.
It's my lucky day.
A man who kills a legend
becomes a legend himself.
Who are these guys?
All right, let's go.
No! He said "cohete."
These guys are pros. They didn't come
here for a couple of used M-16s.
Let's go, it's not worth it.
You're the one that
taught me that the law
and justice aren't
always the same thing.
We gotta stop 'em.
Oh, shit.
I wish you hadn't seen this.
You have the right
to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be
used against you in a court of law.
That is quite
the resume you got there, Taco.
I mean, one might consider you
to be a bit of an overachiever
when it comes to killing people.
I bet you consider yourself a
mean motor scooter, don't you?
Especially now we
got 24 cartel boys
laid out in pieces
all over my desert.
Well, I got news for you, Taco.
They was the reserves.
They was the peons.
They're the red-headed mongoloid
runts of Los Cuerpos,
and Los Cuerpos
don't take kindly
to strangers
disciplining their own.
Can I get an amen
on that, Clebourne?
Amen, sir.
See, here's the bad
news for you, Taco.
I'm the only one who plays
vigilante around these parts.
And since you just killed
yourself a Federal officer,
I'm about to have me and mine
a hog-killing good time.
I didn't kill her.
Tomato, tomato.
Let's not get hung up
on the details, shall we?
Drop him, Clebourne.
Well, I'll be goddamned.
They say he doesn't die, sir.
Been shot, stabbed.
Doesn't ever die.
Bull-f*cking-shit.
This Pedro has just
got a thick neck is all.
Sheriff, it's for you.
It damn sure ain't the governor.
It's the President.
The President.
Yeah?
Of course, Mr. President.
Yes, sir.
This is Machete.
Machete.
Welcome to the White House.
Good thing we got
to you when we did.
Southern hospitality
can be a bitch.
Why am I here?
Right to the point.
I like that.
No bullshit.
I'm a bit of a
no-bullshit guy myself.
So, all bullshit aside...
Get someone else.
We need you, Machete.
We got a situation
on our hands.
There's a revolutionary south of
the border named Marcos Mendez.
You heard of him?
He's crazy.
He's out of his mind.
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