Lucky Numbers Page #8

- Yeah?

- It's so simple, it's brilliant.

In its simplicity, Russ.

Simplicity. That's...

- And moving on.

- Okay, moving on.

Moving on, i guess.

- Next most important thing, right?

- Uh-huh.

We need to find your beard?

What the hell's a "beard"?

You need someone to buy the ticket

and claim the winnings.

But it has to be someone

that you absolutely trust.

- One beard. Check.

- Time out, folks!

There's not a person

i would trust to do this thing.

Not a single person.

Ah! Oh, God!

Oh, God. Okay. All right.

I buy the ticket in disguise.

Okay? And this eliminates

all the outsiders.

That's the answer. That's it. Okay?

Yeah, yeah.

Now we're cooking with gas, huh?

I mean,

how would you disguise yourself?

What, as Charlie Chaplin?

As The Tramp or something?

[Laughing] Yeah, orno, Iike,

from The Wizard of Oz.

- The straw guy.

- The straw man.

Yeah, he could put hay

in his clothes and wear a hat.

- With a pom-pom on it?

- No one will know it's him.

- Ooh, it's clever.

- Nobody would everknow!

- No! Russ.

- It's Scarecrow from Wizard of Oz.

- Oh, okay.

- It's Dorothy, the Cowardly Lion,

it's the Tin Man, it's the dog,

it's the flying monkeys...

and it's the Scarecrow.

If you're gonna make fun of me,

get your facts straight.

Well, my apologies, sir. I am not

the cartoon aficionada that you are.

- It's not a cartoon, Crystal.

- So what?

- It's a movie.

- Who gives a sh*t?

- Children... Excuse me.

- [Arguing]

- It's a movie! For God's sake.

- Calm down. Calm down.

- Calm... Calm down.

- Sorry.

- Please?

- All right. Back to square one.

[ Chuckles ]

Let's go.

Hey, I know.

My cousin Walter could do it.

- Who?

- From Ohio.

He would be the perfect beard.

He's this totally straight guy.

He doesn 't even drink,

and besides, he hasa crush on me.

The minute

You walked in the joint

I could see you were

a man of distinction

A real big spender

- Good-looking, so refined

- Oh. Walter.

Say wouldn't you like to know

what's going on in my mind

- I got you balloons. We should go.

- Thankyou.

So let me get right to the point

I got you a room

at a lovely country inn.

I don't pop my cork

for every guy i see

Hey, big spender

Spend a little time with me

- Oh. It's so green and lush.

- [Russ] Oh! Lookat this room!

- [Russ] Oh, this is so great.

- Look at this TV, a closet.

- God, look at the painting.

And this clock with a little light.

It's so... It's so modern-day.

- [Crystal] Oh, shower curtain.

- Oh, Walter, look at this.

All-you-can-eat buffet.

Oh. Right up the block!

- [ Wheezing, Coughing ]

- And towels all prepared for you.

- How comfy. What do you think?

- Yeah, what do you think?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes