Love Stinks

Synopsis: Seth Winnick has it all: a successful career in television, good friends, and a passionate relationship with beautiful Chelsea. However, when he fails to make a timely marriage proposal, Chelsea tries to make his life hell.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Jeff Franklin
Production: Legacy Releasing
 
IMDB:
5.8
Metacritic:
23
Rotten Tomatoes:
19%
R
Year:
1999
94 min
459 Views


Come on. Let's move, let's go!

Got to get to Vegas.

- Holly.

- Hello, bride to be!

- There he is.

- I'm so excited.

Seth, my man.

You can still back out.

Would you stop already?

We're getting married.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Thanks for the update, Larry. Go.

I need you to come with me.

We're guys. We don't go in pairs.

We are going to the bathroom.

- I'm not going to the bathroom.

- Come on.

Unbelievable. Okay, my headset.

They'll kick us out of first class.

- We need to go to the bathroom.

- I'm not going in there.

- Two friends can go to the bathroom.

- No, it's creepy.

- All right, fine.

- Thank you.

- You are starting to bother me!

- Sit down.

Larry, you're my best friend...

but if I see Mr. Chocolate,

I'll scream.

You're not leaving this bathroom

until you call off the wedding.

But I love her.

After everything

you've been through?

- It wasn't that bad.

- Not that bad?

Let me break it down to you

one more time.

It all started

at my wedding rehearsal.

Saturday night,

and everything seemed so perfect.

I got my wedding dress.

Then she walked in.

Miss Bachelorette.

Party photos!

Why are you bringing those here?

Give me those, Chelsea!

Who is that?

One of the bridesmaids. Chelsea Turner.

No boyfriend.

Pretty hot, huh?

She could steam clean carpets,

whatever that means.

Say no more. I'll hook you up.

Wait. Why would she go out with me?

- I'll lie, fool. Come on.

- That's my only hope.

- How does she get in parties?

- I don't know.

She always finds a way.

- Excuse me.

- Hi, baby.

Soon to be Mrs. Larry Garnett.

Chelsea, I would like you to meet...

one of my groomsmen, Seth Winnick.

He's my writing partner.

He's funny as hell.

He actually reads to the blind

and delivers meals on wheels.

I sh*t you not. This man is

one miracle away from sainthood.

I'm impressed.

Stick around. Later,

I'll part traffic on the freeway.

You know, you guys will be

walking down the aisle together.

God, that's great.

- Have you ever done this before?

- Are you kidding me?

I'm like

a protessional bridesmaid.

I should open a store called

Hideous Pastel Chiffon Dress World.

It's my first time,

so be gentle.

Nothing to it.

Come here, I'll show you.

I'm an expert at this.

Shoulders back,

chin up.

- Act really serious.

- Serious. So much to remember.

You're doing good.

Thanks to my teacher.

Would you mind dropping me off

by those guys over there?

You can make it.

I have faith in you.

God bless ya.

In sickness and in health...

for as long

as you both shall live?

I do.

I now pronounce you

Mr. And Mrs. Lawrence Garnett.

You may kiss your wife.

That was so beautiful.

That's my booty right there.

- Come on now. Robot, baby.

- Here come the robot.

How's your salad?

It's good.

I'm predicting chicken

and vegetables show up next.

Right.

Bring it on down!

I heard they're serving

dog sh*t pudding for dessert.

That sounds good.

Thank you. Yes,

I'll be break-dancing later.

I, myself, suffer

from white man's disease...

which is the number one killer

of rhythm.

You are a d*ckhead.

Amber?

D*ckhead. Cute little

pet name she has for me.

- I like it.

- Thank you.

Work it, girl!

Normally, all the bachelors

try to catch the garter.

But I'm handing it to the man who

needs it the most, Seth Winnick.

Come on up here, buddy.

Come on. Get up there.

Get up there, you sexy thing.

Let's go!

Don't worry about it.

I'm going to get you for this,

Jetson!

Now that I'm married,

you are next.

I only wish you

the joy and bliss...

that Holly has brought

into my life.

Thank you.

I know she's out there.

Something in my eye.

So tell me everything you know

about Seth Winnick.

Girl, Seth is a great guy.

- No ex-wives.

- Beautitul.

- No kids.

- Loving it.

And I know

he makes serious bank...

because he splits a paycheck

with my husband...

who now splits his paycheck

with me.

- Thank you very much.

- Oh, yes.

Hear, hear.

I think he's so sexy.

I wonder it he's got a big cock.

- Hi, Nana.

- Hello, Holly dear.

Remember, you make him

wait at least three dates.

- Three?

- Yes, three.

At least three dates.

Don't be a ho, dear.

Nana, give it up.

Sh*t.

I can't stay long.

Richard thinks I'm in the bathroom.

He'll kick my ass.

Amber's probably

slashing my tires.

I have a crazy idea.

Do you want to get together

later on tonight?

Yeah.

How would you like

to go dancing under the stars?

In Los Angeles?

Wise men say

Be honest.

You bring all your dates here,

don't you?

Not all of them.

It depends on

if my cousin's working.

Eddie, this is Chelsea.

Do women really tall for this?

You know,

I can't honestly remember...

being with any other women.

- Is that right?

- Yeah.

You are so beautiful.

I know you must hear that

all the time...

but never at the planetarium,

right?

Probably because it's dark.

Aren't I killing?

- It's cute you're trying so hard.

- Yeah?

You can stop trying now.

Falling in love

With you

Like a river flows

You'll have to forgive the mess.

I wasn't expecting company.

God, look at the microbes

on that couch.

This place

is a freakin' crack house!

This is nice.

You have beautitul taste.

- Really? Thank you.

- Yeah.

- I'm actually a decorator.

- Really?

You know, I need a decorator.

You have to come to my house.

- Right now.

- Right now?

It's a decorating emergency.

Stay calm.

Let me just change into something

a little less matrimonial.

Be right back.

Seems to be a theme running

through your reading material.

You mean the bridal magazines?

My mom sends those to me.

For some reason, my biological

clock is ticking in her body.

Those moms.

She's threatening

to adopt grandkids.

I would love to find someone

to share my life with...

and start a family.

- How do you feel about kids?

- I can't wait to have kids.

Yeah, tired of mowing my own lawn.

Do you have a cat?

Not a cat.

The cat of all cats.

Gracie, come say hi.

That's okay.

I'm deathly allergic.

I wheeze.

There's my baby girl.

Come here.

Look at her.

She's a cutie.

Any chance we could shave her...

and seal her in Saran Wrap?

He doesn't mean that,

sweetheart.

So far,

it was the perfect first date.

You even got her back

to your place.

Just keep in mind that I've

only been here three months.

What do you think?

The Sony PlayStation...

That really warms up the room.

Yeah, I thought so too.

That's why I put it there.

Moving on.

Please, go into the dining area.

Come on. Stay with the group.

No flash photography, please.

This place could be

so warm and cozy.

It's just not.

No, it's not.

A rat hole, really.

Let's go in here.

This is a room I like

to reter to as the other room.

Clever.

I'm just guessing

that you're an Elvis fan.

Yeah.

He may not be with us,

but he lives on through his plates.

Moving on.

And, finally, in keeping

with my theme of simplicity...

the master bedroom.

- You need me.

- Yes, I do.

You're hired.

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Jeff Franklin

Jeffrey Steven Franklin (born January 21, 1955) is an American producer, screenwriter, and director. He is known for being the creator of the television series Full House, as well as other sitcoms, such as the spin-off Fuller House, Hangin' with Mr. Cooper and also Malcolm & Eddie. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Love Stinks" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 13 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/love_stinks_12961>.

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