Love Potion No. 9

Synopsis: Two scientists who are hopeless with the opposite sex experiment with a substance that makes them irresistible to anyone who hears them speak.
Director(s): Dale Launer
Production: Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment
 
IMDB:
5.6
Rotten Tomatoes:
27%
PG-13
Year:
1992
92 min
26 Views

I took my troubles | down to Madame Ruth

You know, that Gypsy | with the gold-capped tooth

She's got a pad | on 34th and Vine

Sellin' | little bottles of

Love Potion | Number Nine

I told her that I was | a flop with chicks

I've been this way | since 1956

She looked at my palm

And she made | a magic sign

She said, | What you need is

Love Potion | Number Nine

She bent down | and turned around

And gave me a wink

She said, | I'm gonna mix it up

Right here | in the sink

It smelled | like turpentine

It looked like | india ink

I held my nose, | I closed my eyes

I took a drink

I didn't know | if it was day or night

I started kissin' | everything in sight

But when | I kissed a cop

At 34th and Vine

He broke | my little bottle of

Love Potion | Number Nine

I held my nose, | I closed my eyes

I took a drink

I didn't know | if it was day or night

I started kissin' | everything in sight

But when | I kissed a cop

At 34th and Vine

He broke | my little bottle of

Love Potion | Number Nine

I held my nose, | I closed my eyes

I took a drink

I didn't know | if it was day or night

I started kissin' | everything in sight

But when | I kissed a cop?

At 34th and Vine

He broke | my little bottle of

Love Potion | Number Nine

Love Potion...

About once a month,

my friends and I | get together

and do something different | for fun.

Sometimes | we go bowling

or miniature golf

or a movie | or something.

One night,

we went down | to a Gypsy palm reader

on 34th and Vine.

Let me see | your palm.

You do very badly | with women.

No. I... I... I... | I do all right.

No, you don't.

There are | no women here.

What's this?

No women.

Are you | a boy-kissy-boy?

Excuse me?

You a homosexual?

No.

I want my sister | to see this.

No, I don't.

No.

I see no women | in your life

for a long, | long time.

Maybe...

forever.

Well, that's | kind of depressing.

Yes, it is.

But I have | something for you.

Let me see.

Number 17,

number 13.

Where the hell is it?

Ahh.

Number eight.

This is | what you need.

Dilute this with water | 1,000 to 1.

You don't want it | to be too strong.

You take a sip, | and you swallow.

And when you speak,

women will fnd you | fascinating.

I'm a biochemist.

You take this.

You'll be back.

So, tell me, | there was this woman

I saw you having lunch | with the other day.

Huh?

She's just... | just somebody I work with.

Uh-huh.

Were there any | romantic possibilities?

No.

No?

Why not?

No, you see, I'm...

She's, um, | she's not my type.

Oh, she's not | your type.

That was a lie.

Except for the fact | that she had

kind of a boyfriend,

Diane was exactly my type.

I'm a comparative | psychobiologist.

I put, uh, primates...

chimpanzees... | through tests.

I note the behavior | of the subject,

and I hope the results | are analogous to humans.

Do you put electrical things | in their brains?

No.

But that's done, | isn't it?

Yes.

Why?

You can measure | electrical activity,

or, with a minute | amount of current,

you can stimulate a feeling | or... or a thought.

You can stimulate | a feeling?

Yes.

For example,

there was | this experiment

where an electrode | was planted

in the pleasure center | of a monkey's brain.

When the monkey | hit a button,

it sent a signal | to the electrode,

in effect exciting | the monkey sexually.

You're kidding.

No.

Can you guess | what happened?

Was it a male monkey?

Yes.

He slammed the button | till he died.

Oh, so, you know | this experiment.

I know men, honey.

Oh, stop.

I think she is defnitely | Paul's type.

She's got that, | uh...

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Dale Launer

Dale Launer (born May 19, 1952) is an American comedy screenwriter. His films include Ruthless People, Blind Date, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and My Cousin Vinny. more…

All Dale Launer scripts | Dale Launer Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Translation

Translate and read this script in other languages:

Select another language:

  • - Select -
  • Chinese - Simplified 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
  • Chinese - Traditional 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
  • Spanish Español (Spanish)
  • Esperanto Esperanto (Esperanto)
  • Japanese 日本語 (Japanese)
  • Portuguese Português (Portuguese)
  • German Deutsch (German)
  • Arabic العربية (Arabic)
  • French Français (French)
  • Russian Русский (Russian)
  • Kannada ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
  • Korean 한국어 (Korean)
  • Hebrew עברית (Hebrew)
  • Ukrainian Український (Ukrainian)
  • Urdu اردو (Urdu)
  • Hungarian Magyar (Hungarian)
  • Hindi मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
  • Indonesian Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Italian Italiano (Italian)
  • Tamil தமிழ் (Tamil)
  • Turkish Türkçe (Turkish)
  • Telugu తెలుగు (Telugu)
  • Thai ภาษาไทย (Thai)
  • Vietnamese Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
  • Czech Čeština (Czech)
  • Polish Polski (Polish)
  • Indonesian Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Romanian Românește (Romanian)
  • Dutch Nederlands (Dutch)
  • Greek Ελληνικά (Greek)
  • Latin Latinum (Latin)
  • Swedish Svenska (Swedish)
  • Danish Dansk (Danish)
  • Finnish Suomi (Finnish)
  • Persian فارسی (Persian)
  • Yiddish ייִדיש (Yiddish)
  • Armenian հայերեն (Armenian)
  • Norwegian Norsk (Norwegian)
  • English English (English)

Discuss this Love Potion No. 9 script with the community:

Citation

Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

Style:MLAChicagoAPA

"Love Potion No. 9" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 20 Aug. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/love_potion_no._9_12955>.

We need you!

Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

Watch the movie trailer

Love Potion No. 9

The Marketplace:

Sell your Script !

Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!


The Studio:

ScreenWriting Tool

Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.


Thanks for your vote! We truly appreciate your support.