Louisiana Purchase

Synopsis: A bumbling senator investigating graft in Louisiana is the target of a scheme involving a Viennese beauty.
Genre: Comedy, Musical
Director(s): Irving Cummings
Production: Universal Studios Home Video
98 min

Take a letter to

Paramount Studios, Hollywood.

Gentlemen, I've read

the book of your show,

and as your legal advisor,

I'm writing to let you know...

that it really

can't be done.

I know it's all in fun,

but there is a state

called Louisiana,

and anyone can tell that

they're gonna be sore as...

Well, you won't

get away with it.

They'll sue you...

and the writers

and the actors too.

Because there are laws,

laws that specifically


you can't write a book

or a play...

based on characters

living today.

Yes, the cast

will go to jail,

of that I have no doubt.

But speaking

as your attorney...

? Let me say that

there is a way out?

? You can make

the whole thing legal?

? Without changing

a line in your book?

? It can still be


? You can call

a crook a crook?

? But you must say

it's based on fiction?

? And everything

will be fine?

? Yours truly

Sam Horowitz?

? Of Rafferty, Driscoll

and O'Brien?

? Before the picture starts

we say with all our hearts?

? The characters portrayed

in our musical charade?

? Have not been based on

persons living or dead?

? They've all been made up

out of the author's head?

? The politicians

we investigate?

? Could come from Kansas

Maine or Indiana?

? So we laid our story

in the mythical state?

? A mythical state

we call Louisiana?

? Within our simple plot

you'll notice quite a lot?

? Of references to crooks

who have monkeyed with

their books?

? The law says

shows like this one?

? Can get by

with one restriction?

? It must be fiction?

? We've tried to stay

within the law?

? That's why

we laid the scenes?

? In New Orleans?

? A city we've invented so that

there would be no fuss?

? If there is such a place

it's certainly news to us?

? Yes, it's certainly

certainly news to us?

? Mythical, mythical

fiction, fiction?

? Mythical, mythical

fiction, fiction?

? Mythical fiction,

mythical fiction, ah??


You're tellin' me. Huh!

Where's Whitfield?

I've got to get back

to the commencement


Oh, no, you don't. We're

all in on this together.

Now, keep calm, son.

Keep calm.

We've been investigated before,

and we'll be investigated again.

Yeah, but we've never had

Oliver P. Loganberry before.

They don't call him the watchdog

of the senate for nothin'.

Senator Loganberry.

Where does he

hail from?

[Young Man]

Some New England state.

I thought so. Nothin' but

a doggone Yankee carpetbagger.

He'll give us

a fair trial.

If we get a

fair trial, they'll hang us.

But think

of the college.

If it ever comes out

that the head of the

English department...

signs his name

with an "X"...

Well, let's drink up.

They tell me the liquor

at Leavenworth...

ain't fit for man

nor beast.

[Door Opening]

Well, Captain Whitfield,

I'm glad you're here.

I always feel a lot safer

with the police force around.

Well, boys,

we're in for it.

We're in for it?

Now wait a minute, fellas.

Don't pin it on me.

But after all,

they expect it

from you, Captain.

What? Whose idea was it...

to make the football team

share their salaries with us?

Gentlemen, gentlemen,

don't let's fight

among ourselves.

A house divided

must fall.

If it's gotta fall,

let it fall on Jim Taylor.


But he doesn't know

what's going on.

That's the point.

Being innocent,

he won't seem guilty...

when they get him

on the stand.

That's right.

We made him president

of the Louisiana

Purchasing Company.

We even got him elected

to the state legislature.

And what's he ever done?

Nothing but sit on his seat

at the state capitol,

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    "Louisiana Purchase" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 21 Sep. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/louisiana_purchase_12891>.

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