Louis C.K. 2017 Page #3

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and I gave my daughter a bowl of soup.

And I said, "Here's your f***ing soup."

But, uh...

You can see

how that was a tough... situation.

You're supposed to teach your kids right

from wrong. I don't know, it's confusing.

Some people raise their kids religiously

and that covers it.

They kind of go, all this. Do that.

I'm not raising my kids religiously

because I don't feel like it.

Get up on a Sunday? F*** that.

F*** that.

Let your souls rot, kids. I don't care.

I'm not getting...

"Daddy, who's Jesus?"

"None of your business. Go back to bed."

But my kids, they're living in the world.

There's a lot of religion in the world.

You have to teach your kids.

If you're not raising them religiously,

you teach them about religion.

I tell my kids the same thing.

I tell them that there are many religions

in the world, and they're all equal.

But the Christians are the main one.

That's what I tell them.

The Christians won.

They're the winners.

So, act accordingly.

Congratulate Christians

when you meet them.

Because they won the world.

And it's true. It's true.

We love to tell ourselves, like,

"Every religion is exactly..."

No. No, they're not.

The Christians won everything.

A long time ago.

If you don't believe me, let me ask you

a question. What year is it?

I mean, come on.

What year is it according

to the entire human race?

And why?

What year is it? Anybody?

Sir, just yell out the year.

Thank you. 20... 2016?

No, it's 20... That's right.

It's 2017. What is that?

That's a number.

It's not just any number.

It must be a very important number.

'Cause we're counting to it

in unison as a species.

For thousands of years, we've been going:

"One, two, three...

Come on, everybody, four... "

Now, come on, Africa, five, six..."

What is this number?

We're counting the days since what?

Since there was ever people?

Or since the sun did something?

Not at all.

It's been 2017 years since what?

Anybody, yell it out.

Christ!

Yes. Christ!

Christ!

That's right.

It's been 2017 years since Christ!

Jesus.

We are counting the days since Jesus.

Together.

Which makes sense if you're Christian.

But what the f***

are the rest of us doing?

"Jesus was here. Jesus was here.

Jesus was here."

Everybody. Scientists, historians.

"Jesus.

Jesus."

"Jesus plus two, Jesus plus three,

Jesus plus four."

Jesus plus 2017 years,

four months and three days

is when your license expires.

How is that not a win for the Christians?

How is that not a complete win?

That's not a Monday off in October.

That's, "There was no time before Jesus."

And the whole world went, "Okay.

Sure."

Then somebody was like,

"What about the years before him?

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