
Louis C.K. - Live at the Beacon Theater
- Year:
- 2011
- 63 min
- 183 Views
[indistinct chatter]
-- Louis!
-- Louis!
[indistinct chatter]
[cheering]
Alright, let's get started.
Go ahead, sit down.
Okay, yes, sit down,
we're just starting.
There's no opening act.
F*ck it. Just, let's start.
Let's just start.
Get your seats.
Get your beers and everybody
go ahead, sit down.
Kill the house lights.
Let's just start.
Let's just start a show.
There's no point in
screwing around.
I'll do all the anouncements
that you would have heard.
Please turn off your cell phones.
You can take pictures but
turn off the flash.
That's stupid,
because it's not--
You know when you're watching the
World Series and there's all that--
Like your flash is lighting
Yankee Stadium.
Don't yell out during the show.
If you have something you
want to say to me...
This is what we do.
We write it down
and then you go
outside in the lobby
and then you go home and
you kill yourself
because, that's selfish.
This is a rhetorical performance.
It's got nothing to do with you.
Don't text or twitter during
the show. Just live your life.
Don't keep telling people
what you're doing.
Just, because also--
also--
it lights up your big
dumb face. It lights it up.
I see this beautiful see of
darkness and then just one guy.
So, don't do that.
What else? No jews,
I think they said that earlier.
They told me I have to say it.
Jews aren't allowed.
If you're jewish this
is a good time to go.
If you see somebody kind of Jewey
looking then please tell an usher
and they will--
Sir, come on.
Let's go. Come on.
Yes, let's go.
But, I'm really glad you're here.
This is a sizeable crowd.
This is a big place.
There's about 2500 people
here, and that's--
That's a lot of people.
a sample of the population.
you're all going to experience--
say that within two months
at least one of you will die.
I'm just saying. I think it's
probably accurate to say
that out of any random
group of 2500 people
not all of you are gonna make
it to Christmas, unfortunately.
There's gonna be--
At least one of you here tonight
is going to ruin your
family's Christmas
And I don't know
who it is, I'm sorry.
I don't know, your
death is whatever--
Some people, they want you to do
things when they die with their--
"I want you to take my
ashes and sprinkle--"
F*ck you, I'm not doing
none of that shit.
You're dead.
I'm not going to run errands
for you after you're dead.
You don't matter anymore.
Some people try to do something
noble with their bodies.
They try to have their bodies
have some use after they're dead,
which I think is a good thought.
You're only borrowing your body.
You're only borrowing everything.
If you're body's worth anything
when you're done with it
you should pass it on.
That's something I really believe.
I mean, I'm not going
to do it, because
I don't want--eew--it's mine.
I don't want--
I have a lot of beliefs
and I live by none of them.
That's just the way I am.
They're just my beliefs.
I just like believing them.
I like that part.
They're my little believies.
They make me feel good
about who I am.
But if they get in the
way of a thing I want
or I want to jack off or
something, I fucking do that.
But--
But some people take their--
my grandma, uh, grandmother
She--just, uh, for the layman--
My grandmother,
she gave her body to
a medical school
for it just to be
examined and disected,
which is a good thought for that.
But you know her survivors
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"Louis C.K. - Live at the Beacon Theater" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 26 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/louis_c.k._-_live_at_the_beacon_theater_12883>.