Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels Page #2
- Year:
- 1999
- 1,465 Views
Tom examines his midriff and adopts a confused expression.
TOM:
Please, both join me in my orifice.
INT. GROCER'S SHOP STORE ROOM - DAY
They work their way past a maze of boxes.
NICK:
(fingering and admiring one of the boxes)
How much did you say it was, Tom?
TOM:
You know how much it is, Nick.
NICK:
And that does include the amp?
TOM:
You know it doesn't include the amp.
INT. RESTAURANT KITCHEN -AFTERNOON
Tom and Ed make their way through a busy, well-equipped kitchen. This
is obviously a smart and serious establishment. They stop in front of
the man whose uniform is covered in blood; he appears to be the head
chef. Meet Soap.
TOM:
What have you come as?
SOAP:
Cupid stupid! That's the last time I am getting any more fruit off you
Tom. Call that fresh? There was more small hairy armoured things in
your fruit than there was fruit. You should open a butcher's, not a
grocer's.
TOM:
If you will order stuff that comes from Kat-Man-F***ing-Du don't be
surprised if your fruit picks up a few tourists en route. ~ Never mind
that, what about the money?
SOAP:
Get your fingers out of my soup!
SLOW MOTION:
Soap pulls out a bag from under where he is sitting.
TOM:
(voice-over)
Soap is called Soap because he likes to keep his hands clean of any
unlawful behaviour. He is proud of his job, and even more proud that
it's legal.
BACON:
(voice-over)
He's a stroppy sod but he's got more balls than a golfer, only he
doesn't know it. ' * Cut from completed film.
16
RELEASE SLOW MOTION]
Ed looks in bag.
EDDY:
Are you sure you can afford twenty-five?
SOAP:
Well that depends on how you look at it. I can afford it as long as I
see it again, if that's what you mean. You got the rest from the fat
man and Bacon?
Tom looks on with suspicion.
TOM:
Who's this fat man, then?
EDDY:
Bacon, the fat man and myself, and it's time to make a call to Harry.
INT. HATCHET HARRY'S OFFICE - DAY
A hard-looking man of about fifty is sat behind a large antique desk.
On this desk is a hatchet resting in a block of wood, poised like a
judge's hammer. Harry is obviously in the sex game. Cluttered up in a
hazardous way are a selection of d*ldos, spanking paddles, etc. A
cabinet of fine-looking shotguns is placed behind. We have a split
screen involving EDDY and his friends (listening in) and Hatchet with
one hand on the phone and the other on a shotgun.
HATCHET:
You got it all?
INT. KITCHEN - DAY.
EDDY:
A hundred grand.
TOM:
(voice-over)
You see it's not easy to take a seat at this table; the money involved
has to be a hundred grand upwards and there is no shortage of punters.
EDDY:
(voice-over)
The man who decides if you can play is this man Harry, or Hatchet Harry
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