Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels Page #2

Synopsis: Eddy (Nick Moran) convinces three friends to pool funds for a high-stakes poker game against local crime boss Hatchet Harry (P.H. Moriarty). Harry cheats and Eddy loses, giving him a week to pay back 500,000 pounds or hand over his father's pub. Desperate, Eddy and his friends wait for their neighbors to rob some drug dealers, then rob the robbers in turn. After both thefts, the number of interested criminal parties increases, with the four friends in dangerously over their heads.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Year:
1999
1,467 Views


Tom examines his midriff and adopts a confused expression.

TOM:

Please, both join me in my orifice.

INT. GROCER'S SHOP STORE ROOM - DAY

They work their way past a maze of boxes.

NICK:

(fingering and admiring one of the boxes)

How much did you say it was, Tom?

TOM:

You know how much it is, Nick.

NICK:

And that does include the amp?

TOM:

You know it doesn't include the amp.

INT. RESTAURANT KITCHEN -AFTERNOON

Tom and Ed make their way through a busy, well-equipped kitchen. This

is obviously a smart and serious establishment. They stop in front of

the man whose uniform is covered in blood; he appears to be the head

chef. Meet Soap.

TOM:

What have you come as?

SOAP:

Cupid stupid! That's the last time I am getting any more fruit off you

Tom. Call that fresh? There was more small hairy armoured things in

your fruit than there was fruit. You should open a butcher's, not a

grocer's.

TOM:

If you will order stuff that comes from Kat-Man-F***ing-Du don't be

surprised if your fruit picks up a few tourists en route. ~ Never mind

that, what about the money?

SOAP:

Get your fingers out of my soup!

SLOW MOTION:

Soap pulls out a bag from under where he is sitting.

TOM:

(voice-over)

Soap is called Soap because he likes to keep his hands clean of any

unlawful behaviour. He is proud of his job, and even more proud that

it's legal.

BACON:

(voice-over)

He's a stroppy sod but he's got more balls than a golfer, only he

doesn't know it. ' * Cut from completed film.

16

RELEASE SLOW MOTION]

Ed looks in bag.

EDDY:

Are you sure you can afford twenty-five?

SOAP:

Well that depends on how you look at it. I can afford it as long as I

see it again, if that's what you mean. You got the rest from the fat

man and Bacon?

Tom looks on with suspicion.

TOM:

Who's this fat man, then?

EDDY:

Bacon, the fat man and myself, and it's time to make a call to Harry.

INT. HATCHET HARRY'S OFFICE - DAY

A hard-looking man of about fifty is sat behind a large antique desk.

On this desk is a hatchet resting in a block of wood, poised like a

judge's hammer. Harry is obviously in the sex game. Cluttered up in a

hazardous way are a selection of d*ldos, spanking paddles, etc. A

cabinet of fine-looking shotguns is placed behind. We have a split

screen involving EDDY and his friends (listening in) and Hatchet with

one hand on the phone and the other on a shotgun.

HATCHET:

You got it all?

INT. KITCHEN - DAY.

EDDY:

A hundred grand.

FREEZE SHOT OF HATCHET

TOM:

(voice-over)

You see it's not easy to take a seat at this table; the money involved

has to be a hundred grand upwards and there is no shortage of punters.

EDDY:

(voice-over)

The man who decides if you can play is this man Harry, or Hatchet Harry

as some including himself like to call him.

Rate this script:3.7 / 3 votes

Guy Ritchie

All Guy Ritchie scripts | Guy Ritchie Scripts

1 fan

Submitted by acronimous on June 06, 2016

Discuss this script with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/lock,_stock_and_two_smoking_barrels_194>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

    Browse Scripts.com

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.