Life Partners Page #2
Now it's a hotbed
for pedophilia.
Crazy. Disturbing.
Oh, my God.
Are you okay? I'm sorry.
It's so f***ing annoying 'cause, like,
I'm here, and I just want to drink,
and this guy is staring at me.
I think he recognizes me
from TV.
Oh, my God.
Oh!
Buddy, you got a pen?
You want an autograph?
No? Yeah, I didn't think so.
Weird.
You are so beautiful.
God, you're beautiful. Wow.
Who tells you you're beautiful...
other than me?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just...
All I can hear are mouth sounds.
I'm gonna put on some music.
Uh-oh. Are you a control freak?
What? No.
No? Well, I just thought
there's this...
and then you have,
like, four recycling bins.
Well, uh, I am
an environmental lawyer...
and clearly
Well, I don't know about that.
I'm the best there is.
I wake up in the morning.
I piss excellence.
What?
Uh, Ricky Bobby,
Talladega Nights.
Oh. I haven't seen that.
Well, as long as
you've seen Lebowski.
Uh, well, I've seen
the first half of it.
What?
Are you saying you watched the
first half of The Big Lebowski,
then you shut it off?
I... I feel like
you're treating me...
as though I just told you
that I'm a sex offender.
Wow. That... I mean,
this is much worse,
I have to tell you.
My goodness.
- Are you married?
- What?
"Husband" is calling you.
Oh. No.
That's my best friend Sasha.
We just have this stupid joke.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, I'll prove it to you.
- Hi, Sasha.
- Okay, you're answering the phone,
which means you had just as
shitty of a date as I did.
Or you just got really wasted and
f***ed him like an hour into it...
and he's already gone. Uh...
Remember that? What was
that guy's name, Cory...
- I'll call you back.
Cory, huh? That, um...
It only took Cory an hour?
I... Um...
I don't usually
do things like that. Um...
What were his moves?
It was, um...
You know what? I'm over it.
Okay.
It's fine.
We all have our Corys.
Mmmmmmm.
There you are.
How was your date?
Uh, you first.
Where do I start? Um...
Well, she is a baritone.
Um, she has a tattoo of the
female symbol on her wrist,
and her license plate
says "BABY BOI," with an "I."
- Are you peeing?
- Yeah.
I love how you call me
right before you pee...
instead of just waiting the
10 seconds till you're done.
Hold on one second.
You're on speaker now.
I'm brushing my teeth.
of the date...
was when she put up
two fingers...
and said... "Sit on it."
Ew!
What? Why? I don't know.
I think she thought
she was flirting.
So, how was your date
with "Gotcha"?
Um, he was.
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"Life Partners" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/life_partners_12564>.
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