Liberal Arts Page #5

Come on, let's-let's walk.

My parents really liked you.

Oh.

That's nice.

I like them.

You're really lucky

to have parents like that.

Like what?

Like, I don't know.

Around, first of all.

Still together so they

can fret over you as a team.

Yeah, I guess.

I like them best when they're

not being so parental,

which is, like, 1% of the time.

Oh, I thought

of this great trick

for having them annoy me less.

Want to hear it?

Okay.

Okay, I decided

to treat my parents

like they're always drunk.

No, really, it works.

Any time they say something

irritating or offensive,

I'm just like,

"Oh, I can't get mad at them.

They're drunk.

It's not their fault."

And why should I take advice

from drunk people seriously?

That's great.

Do you like classical music?

Yeah, sure.

Okay, I took this

music survey class last year.

Oh, my God!

It totally changed my life.

I'm really happy

I ran into you last night.

Yeah, yeah, me too.

It's random.

Who was that guy?

What guy?

Thelast night, that guy.

Oh, his name is Eric.

Eric.

Is Eric your fella?

No.

No.

You know, I think I like almost

everything about this place

but the dude situation.

Not great?

No one, like, dates.

Everyone's so casual

about it all.

Same as when I was here.

Yeah.

I guess there's part of me

that's a little old-fashioned.

Well, on behalf

of all current and former

18- to 22-year-olds,

I'd like to apologize.

Forgive us.

Seriously.

We know not what we do.

I think one of the things

I loved the most

about being here

was the feeling

that anything was possible.

It's just infinite choices

ahead of you.

You'd get out of school,

and anything could happen.

And then you do get out, and...

life happens, you know?

Decisions get made.

And then all those many choices

you had in front of you

are no longer really there.

At a certain point,

you just got to go,

"Oh, I guess

this is how it's going down."

And there's just something

a little depressing about that.

Well, don't you think you're

romanticizing youth a bit much?

You know, 'cause it's

just as hard and annoying

to be young as it is to be old,

I'm assuming.

Not that you're old,

'cause, you know, you're not.

Look, I get the whole

"we're all equal" argument,

and it's kind of true,

but it's also kind of not true.

Like, okay, I feel different now

than I felt when I was here,

and I hate to break this to you,

but so will you.

So you're saying things suck?

I should prepare myself

for suckiness?

No, a liberal arts education

solves all your problems.

Thank God!

Worth every penny.

We should hug.

What?

I mean, we could keep talking,

but I think it would be better

if we hugged.

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