Landmine Goes Click

[Overlapping chatter

in different languages]

[Soft European music]

[Man]

And we're listening

to this because...

[Woman]

It's the only show in town.

[Man #2]

That's nice for him.

He's got a completely

captive audience.

[Woman]

I wonder what he's saying.

[Man]

People of earth,

do not be afraid.

[Woman]

Assimilation is painless.

[Man #2]

Yeah, but probing not so much.

Hey, we could use my phone

to play some music.

[Man]

There is no auxiliary.

- [Man #2] Well, shit.

- [Woman laughs]

- [Man] Indeed.

- [Woman] We will live.

[Man #2]

I will not.

[Man]

I need a quick stop, okay?

- [Soft Latin music]

- [Groans] Whoo.

[Man #2]

That good, huh?

Did you think about

what I said?

Yes.

I think it's a mistake.

What, what we did, or...

What we did

doesn't matter anymore, okay?

But telling him

about it does.

- Yeah, it does.

- So we say nothing.

What, what do you think,

I wanna tell him

Just to break you guys up?

Should I?

[Man]

You know this place

used to be a warzone

A couple years ago.

[Man #2]

A warzone, really?

- [Woman] Huh.

- [Man] Yeah, tanks, artillery,

Mines, the whole deal.

[Man #2]

What was it, like a civil war?

[Man]

Russians invaded.

[Chuckles]

Shocker.

Fucking Russians, man,

they just don't get it,

nobody likes them.

I mean seriously,

name one good thing

To come out of Russia

other than, like,

Really hot

girl tennis players.

- [Woman laughs]

- [Man] Vodka.

- [Woman] Yeah, there's that.

- [Man #2] Vodka?

The swedes make better vodka,

Shit, even the French

make better vodka.

[Man]

Oil and gas.

- [Woman] What?

- The Russians,

They make oil and gas.

[Man #2]

They don't make oil and gas,

They have oil and gas.

[Woman]

Yeah, right, it's not like

Anyone said wow,

this Russian oil

is so much better than that

- watered down Saudi shit.

- [Man] Hold up,

Let me get my bearings.

- Are we on course?

- Yeah, I think we are.

I give you the ak-47.

- When you absolutely...

- [Woman chuckles]

Positively gotta kill

Every motherfucker

in the room,

[Both men]

Accept no substitutes.

- [All laughing]

- [Man #2] That's a good point.

[Woman]

You shouldn't have seen that.

[Man #2]

It's kind of sad, really,

you know, the Russians,

I thought they... i thought

they wanted to be free.

- Be good.

- [Woman] Be like us.

[Man] All I know is

you never trust someone

That comes from a country

that's successful with chess.

[Man #2, laughs]

Yeah, you all right?

- [Man] Come on.

- [Woman] I'm all right.

[Man #2]

All right, there you go.

- [Man] All right?

- Up, all right.

- [Woman] It's good, thank you.

- [Groans]

- [Man] You're welcome.

- [Gasps]

What?

- [Man #2, laughs] No...

- Oh, my God.

How do you like

them apples, huh?

- Aw, man, dude.

- [Laughs]

Chris, will you marry us?

- [Woman] Now?

- Yeah.

- Come on, come on.

- What?

- Let's do it.

- Shouldn't we save it?

Put your bags... babe,

we have the whole ceremony

To make it official,

this is, like, between us,

Friends, family,

it's all that matters, right?

Yeah, but I just...

-[Stutters] I wouldn't know

what to say, so.

- Just put your...

Screw it, I will help you.

Yes, okay, yes, he's right.

- I'm sorry.

- [Laughing]

- So, I say what...

- L-ladies and gentlemen,

- we are gathered here today.

- Right [Clears throat]

Ladies and gentlemen,

We are gathered here today

to celebrate

The marriage

of Daniel and Alicia.

[Daniel] Wedding

is a sacred institution.

[Chris]

Yeah, marriage

is a sacred institution

And it should not be

taken lightly.

[Daniel]

And we're not, so let's skip

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