Landmine Goes Click
- TV-MA
- Year:
- 2015
- 105 min
- 1,262 Views
[Overlapping chatter
in different languages]
[Soft European music]
[Man]
And we're listening
to this because...
[Woman]
It's the only show in town.
[Man #2]
That's nice for him.
He's got a completely
captive audience.
[Woman]
I wonder what he's saying.
[Man]
People of earth,
do not be afraid.
[Woman]
Assimilation is painless.
[Man #2]
Yeah, but probing not so much.
Hey, we could use my phone
to play some music.
[Man]
There is no auxiliary.
- [Man #2] Well, sh*t.
- [Woman laughs]
- [Man] Indeed.
- [Woman] We will live.
[Man #2]
I will not.
[Man]
I need a quick stop, okay?
- [Soft Latin music]
- [Groans] Whoo.
[Man #2]
That good, huh?
Did you think about
what I said?
Yes.
I think it's a mistake.
What, what we did, or...
What we did
doesn't matter anymore, okay?
But telling him
about it does.
- Yeah, it does.
- So we say nothing.
What, what do you think,
I wanna tell him
Just to break you guys up?
Should I?
[Man]
You know this place
used to be a warzone
A couple years ago.
[Man #2]
A warzone, really?
- [Woman] Huh.
- [Man] Yeah, tanks, artillery,
Mines, the whole deal.
[Man #2]
What was it, like a civil war?
[Man]
Russians invaded.
[Chuckles]
Shocker.
F***ing Russians, man,
they just don't get it,
nobody likes them.
I mean seriously,
name one good thing
To come out of Russia
other than, like,
Really hot
girl tennis players.
- [Woman laughs]
- [Man] Vodka.
- [Woman] Yeah, there's that.
- [Man #2] Vodka?
Sh*t, even the French
make better vodka.
[Man]
Oil and gas.
- [Woman] What?
- The Russians,
They make oil and gas.
[Man #2]
They don't make oil and gas,
They have oil and gas.
[Woman]
Yeah, right, it's not like
Anyone said wow,
this Russian oil
is so much better than that
- watered down Saudi sh*t.
- [Man] Hold up,
Let me get my bearings.
- Are we on course?
- Yeah, I think we are.
I give you the ak-47.
- When you absolutely...
- [Woman chuckles]
Positively gotta kill
Every motherf***er
in the room,
[Both men]
Accept no substitutes.
- [All laughing]
- [Man #2] That's a good point.
[Woman]
You shouldn't have seen that.
[Man #2]
It's kind of sad, really,
you know, the Russians,
I thought they... i thought
they wanted to be free.
- Be good.
- [Woman] Be like us.
[Man] All I know is
you never trust someone
That comes from a country
that's successful with chess.
[Man #2, laughs]
Yeah, you all right?
- [Man] Come on.
- [Woman] I'm all right.
[Man #2]
All right, there you go.
- [Man] All right?
- Up, all right.
- [Woman] It's good, thank you.
- [Groans]
- [Man] You're welcome.
- [Gasps]
What?
- [Man #2, laughs] No...
- Oh, my God.
How do you like
them apples, huh?
- Aw, man, dude.
- [Laughs]
Chris, will you marry us?
- [Woman] Now?
- Yeah.
- Come on, come on.
- What?
- Let's do it.
- Shouldn't we save it?
Put your bags... babe,
we have the whole ceremony
To make it official,
this is, like, between us,
Friends, family,
it's all that matters, right?
Yeah, but I just...
-[Stutters] I wouldn't know
what to say, so.
- Just put your...
Screw it, I will help you.
Yes, okay, yes, he's right.
- I'm sorry.
- [Laughing]
- So, I say what...
- L-ladies and gentlemen,
- we are gathered here today.
- Right [Clears throat]
Ladies and gentlemen,
We are gathered here today
to celebrate
The marriage
of Daniel and Alicia.
[Daniel] Wedding
is a sacred institution.
[Chris]
Yeah, marriage
is a sacred institution
And it should not be
taken lightly.
[Daniel]
And we're not, so let's skip
forward to the good part.
So, Daniel,
do you take Alicia?
[Chris]
Daniel, do you take Alicia
To be
your lawfully wedded wife?
For rich, poor, sick
and in good health
So long
as you both shall live?
- [Alicia] I do.
- [Daniel] I do.
- [Laughing]
- This is stupid.
- What?
- This is stupid,
You know, I mean,
you guys are...
Doing your thing and it
makes me feel, like, I just,
I don't want to, okay?
- What, what is wrong, man?
- Nothing, nothing.
Nothing's wrong, I just,
you know, you guys
have your fun,
I got... i gotta set up camp
And, you know,
we're losing light, so just...
[Daniel]
I know something's wrong.
- And I wanna know what.
- [Chris] Hmm?
Chris.
[Chris]
Nothing.
- I'm fine, it's nothing.
- [Chuckles]
- Okay.
- It's all good.
Now, Chris, Chris, so, look,
I'm your best friend, okay?
You don't think I know
when something's up your ass?
Huh? Spill it.
[Chris]
Yeah, all right, fine,
There's something
that I gotta tell you.
It's... I'm...
I'm sorry, okay?
You know, you guys
are getting married
- and I should be happy, but...
- But what?
- Because i...
- So what, so... so, wh...
No, no, no, no, no,
so, you think,
couples dinners without you?
You think
we're gonna go antiquing
And... and... and
rent a tandem bike
And ride around town
in matching outfits?
You a**hole.
And...
I'm gonna set you up...
With so many hot girlfriends.
So many hot girlfriends.
So many.
I hate antiquing.
It's not happening.
- [Chris] All right.
- [Daniel] Okay,
To my best man.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Whoa, wooo.
- [Chuckles]
- [Sighs]
- Okay.
- You okay?
- All right,
There's a possibility
I may be drunk.
Maybe just a little bit.
- All right, bedtime. Come on.
- No, no, no, no, no.
[Chris]
Guys, there's actually,
there's something I really do
Need to tell you.
It's, um... um...
I now pronounce
you man and wife.
- Really?
- Yeah, really, so go ahead,
Kiss the bride if you think
you got it in you.
Well, I'm gonna attempt to.
- Babe.
- Okay, I'm drunk,
But I'm not that drunk.
[Chris]
Da da da-da,
da da da-da,
- there ya go, good job, buddy.
- I can do it by myself.
- Good-night, Chris.
- Good-night, buddy.
See you in the morning, okay?
- Yes.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, thank God.
- Get in here.
- [Mumbling]
- [Moaning]
- Mm. Babe, what the heck?
- We gotta consummate our vows.
- Close the thing.
- Ugh.
Okay, it's closed.
[Moans]
[Groans]
- He can hear us.
- We can be quiet.
We can be quiet.
[Soft Latin music]
[Alicia moans]
Oh, f***.
- Hey, what are you doing, pal?
- Hey, whoa. Stop, help, help!
You're stealing our stuff,
a**hole.
I'm not stealing.
I'm devi.
- Davie, who's davie?
- Help!
- Why you stealing?
- Not davie, devi!
I'm friend
of Alicia and Daniel.
I'm park ranger, get out!
- Hey, what's wrong?
- [Alicia] Devi!
- He's going through
your packs.
- What the hell happened?
He's going
through your packs,
he's stealing your stuff.
Yeah, he was getting
my camera so I didn't have
-To climb back up.
- I was gonna
introduce you guys,
But it looks like
you already met.
[Groans]
Yo, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, man,
I'm... I'm Chris.
- Devi.
- [Speaking foreign phrase].
- You okay?
- [Native language]. I'm fine.
[Sighs]
- It's okay, Chris.
- Okay.
- I would do same.
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"Landmine Goes Click" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 11 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/landmine_goes_click_12211>.
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