Land Ho!

Synopsis: A pair of ex-brothers-in-law set off to Iceland in an attempt to reclaim their youth through Reykjavik nightclubs, trendy spas, and rugged campsites. This bawdy adventure is a throwback to 1980s road trip comedies, as well as a candid exploration of aging, loneliness, and friendship.
Genre: Adventure, Comedy
Production: Sony Pictures Classics
  2 wins & 3 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
95 min

You made it after all.

Yeah, I made it.

God, how the hell are you?

I'm good, Mitch.

- Been a long time, buddy. Long time.

- Good to see you.

- Come on in. Make yourself at home.

- Thank you.

How are those ramps

coming over there, bud?

They're coming along.

I tell you I'm gonna be

around here a week?

Yeah, you said that.

It's the longest I've been...

out of New Orleans in forever.

You still practicing?

Yeah, I still practice.

Still love it.

I guess I'll be in my grave

when they're shoveling dirt...

and I got my arm out with a scalpel

in my hand still trying to operate.


This is so delicious,

you're not gonna believe it.

This is like angels

pissing on your tongue.


Very, very good.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

That is good.

- Thanks for...

- It's a great batch, baby.

- Thanks for cooking.

- You got it.

I love to cook now.

You know, I guess I got

pushed into it when...

Edith Ann and I split up.

But guess what.

I think I've grown from it.


I'm a better person for it.

Silver lining.

Silver lining. Gotta look for the silver

lining in everything, you know?

Did you see that film?

- Silver Linings Playbook?

- No.

No, I don't go to

movies like I used to.

Probably one of my favorite movies

of all time is that movie about...

that kid and his daddy.

The radio show...

and they lived on a houseboat

up in Washington state.

- Sleepless...?

- Tom S... Hanks and...

- Meg Ryan.

- Meg Ryan, yeah.

She's a good-looking broad, you know?

But she didn't have no tits.

I thought she was cute in the face.

Is that the last film you saw?

I hope that wasn't

the last film you saw.

I mean, don't get me wrong,

I watch movies at home.

- Okay, here's a quiz.

- Go ahead.

- John Wayne...

- Go ahead.

Dean Martin...

Ricky Nelson.

Ricky Nelson?

In one film together.

What's it called?

- Diablo.

- Cowboy film.

- That's what I said. Diablo.

- Rio Bravo.

Oh, well I was close.

And Walter Brennan.

"Y'all went down there..."

You know, I was listening to the

damn radio the other day...

and that song that he did

when he talks through...

I don't know if you

remember that song.

He talks about old

times and how it is.

He doesn't sing at all,

and it made the top 10.

- Yeah.

- Back in 19 aught...

whatever it was, okay?

You know, I'm sorry

about you losing Patty.

But guess what.

You gotta reach down and grab a

handful of guts, bud, you know...

and get on with your life.

I know that you jumped

in there with Katie...

and Katie trashed you.

To make it work, you gotta love them.

Okay? I'm sure she was good in bed.

I'm sure all this

stuff was wonderful.

But guess what.

She didn't love you, obviously.

And you didn't love her, either.

I think she was just something

to fill in the gap, if you will.

Put a little mortar between the bricks.

She definitely wasn't the bricks...

that's holding your

wall together, okay?

Anyway, I don't wanna

get too far along here.

I may have to tell you something

that you might not like...

- ...but I'm gonna tell you anyway.

- Okay. What?

I bought us two first-class

tickets to Iceland.

I can't afford that, Mitch.

I know you can't afford it.

I already bought the tickets.

- I know you say "No"...

- Come on, now, you...

I know you don't want me

to spend my money on you...

- You didn't ask me.

- I know.

- You didn't tell me.

- But...

Why should I tell you?

You would've said no.

- That's true.

- Okay?

I got the money.

Why can't I spend it

on my brother-in-law?

- My favorite brother-in-law.

- Ex-brother-in-law.

It's a chance...

for you to get away...

to a place that is wonderful.

The hot springs with all

the minerals in the water.

The juicy, fantastic lobsters,

and the gorgeous broads.

I don't like lobster.

I'll eat your lobster.

- Got something?

- Yeah, listen to this:

"The head chef at the Hotel

Nordica's five-star restaurant...

serves up superb seasonal dishes.

Think pink-footed goose

with caramelized apples."

- Can you think pink-footed goose?

- That sounds weird.

But it could be good.

Yeah. When in Rome.

- You know how that is.

- Yep.

- Do it.

- Want me to continue...

- ...or go on to another one?

- Stay with that one.

"The waiters sometimes bring out

extra little treats for you to try.

For example, their amazing

invisible gazpacho."

What in the hell is

invisible gazpacho?

I have no idea.

- What else is there?

- Well, we have Dill.

"A gourmet's delight...

this elegant,

new Scandinavian restaurant...

specializes in local

organic ingredients...

cooked in contemporary

Nordic-kitchen style.

Prepare yourself."

- Yeah...

- Are you prepared?

Yeah, I'm prepared. Come on.

- You don't sound prepared.

- I'm prepared, all right?

- Excuse me.

- Yes.

Car's ready.

Oh, isn't that beautiful?

Oh, good God, Mitch.

- Oh, sh*t, I forgot. Damn it.

- What? What?

I forgot the duty-free store.

I should've mentioned something earlier.

- I can't believe I'm so stupid sometimes.

- You know, I kind of feel bad about...

not having paid for

anything so far yet.

I told you, don't worry about that.

You know, we're here to have

a good time. This is on me.

When I run out of money, I'll say,

"Okay, Colin, it's your turn to pay."

- But I think we'll be okay.

- Maybe I'll just pay...

- ...for the booze or something.

- Oh, yeah, booze.

I can see us walk in and say,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Aaron Katz

All Aaron Katz scripts | Aaron Katz Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Land Ho!" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 May 2024. <!_12200>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Land Ho!


    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.