Labor Pains

Synopsis: Thea Clayhill is the reckless secretary of arrogant publisher Jerry Steinwald. When Jerry fires her having had an accident with his beloved dog, Thea lies and tells him that she is four-months pregnant. Thea lost her parents in a car accident and raises her younger sister Emma alone and can not afford to lose her job. Jerry goes on vacation to be with his dog and his brother Nick Steinwald assumes his position. Thea decides to fake her pregnancy for more time with the support of her friend Lisa.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Lara Shapiro
Production: Labor Productions Inc.
89 min

The I-10 Santa Monica

Freeway westbound

is jammed due to

a three-car accident...

blocking lanes one and two

just past Hoover Street.

In Van Nuys there's stop and go

traffic on the 405 southbound...

Hey, loser!

Get up. You're late.

We need money.

For what?


I've only got two dollars.

How much is a Happy Meal?


Good morning, Thea.

Oh, hi.

There's this

thing called rent.


You have my word.

Could you put your

word on an actual check?

Whoo! Look

at that foxy momma!


Hey, look. I, uh, I

saved you one of these.

It wasn't easy. These

people are animals.

Thanks. It's all

downhill after the donut.

Hey. Let's go

camping right now.

Oh, don't tempt

me. You know I can't.

Come on. Don't be such a buzz

kill. Just call in sick from work.

Oh, Miles. It was hard

enough getting Monday off.

Hey. You really need to

bail on this lame job, babe.

Bailing isn't exactly in my vocabulary

right now. I'm late. I'm late.

Alarm clock

on the fritz again?



Four minutes

after nine, Thea.

We agreed to 8:

I know. I'm sorry. I've

got your coffee piping hot.

Greg already

got it for me.

All right.

Let's get started.

I found two errors

in your transcription.

Ur-Nammu, the Mesopotamian

ruler, has a hyphen in his name.

Are you sure? I checked it

in Oxford English Dictionary.

You should always cross reference

with the Military Encyclopedia.

It is

the definitive source.

Absolutely right, Greg.

The intern shouldn't be

more thorough than you.

You have to remember that every

mistake you make, impacts history.

I'm sorry I didn't give enough thought

to the long reaching

impact of a missing hyphen.

Think of it next time,

or someone else will.

There are a million people out

there who'd kill for your job.

The secretary to the publisher,

it's a dream for so many of us.

I have a big

project for you.

Now, you can make up for this

morning's mistakes by acing this one.

Okay. What

can I do for you?

MacArthur rolled

in some poop.


She's got one

good eye, Thea.

I don't appreciate

you taking that tone. Now.

Hi, there.

Let's really try and nail

it this time, shall we?

No way. She

rolled in poop again?


How come Greg never washes her?

I'm glad that I don't have

to wash the poop off Greg

since he spends most of his time

with his head up Jerry's ass.

Tell me about it. Last week

he CC'd me on an email to Jerry

complaining that I ordered

too many rainbow Post-Its.

Said it creates

a party atmosphere.

Come here, MacArthur.


Do you think we'll

ever get out of here?

How long 'til your little

sister graduates college?

Five years.

Five long years.


When you finally ditch this

place I'm gonna leave, too.

I can't survive this

hellhole without you.

I don't even know if I'm gonna

survive Monday without you.

Oh, well, your rainbow

Post-Its should help.

Ha, ha, ha.

Just promise me

that when you're celebrating with Miles the

big 25, you'll have two extra shots for me.

Done. Two for

you, two for me

and two

for MacArthur.

And cold beer chasers and a sliced lime.

Gets me right here.

What is MacArthur eating?

Oh, that's not

good. Hold on.

No, no, that's soap!

Well, Thea, you are

a sopping mess.

I know, I'm sorry.

Well, don't apologize.

This one

has two staples.

Yeah. And?

It's bad feng shui.

It'd be nice

to give the agenda

to the guy

the disability first.

When I gave you yours

first last month,

you reprimanded me for

giving you special treatment.

I don't like your giving

me special back talk.

Good morning, everyone.

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Stacey Kramer

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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