
L!fe Happens
1
(WOMEN MOANING)
DEENA:
I like that,that's good.
KIM:
Oh, yeah.MAN:
Oh, yeah.DEENA:
Do you...Do you have... You know...
(KIM MOANING)
KIM:
Wait, wait.Two seconds, I'll be right back.
BOTH:
Do you have a condom?No. Crap!
Dude, I've been looking
for that nightie everywhere.
KIM:
Are you sure it's not mine?I've had it forever.
DEENA:
It looks betteron your boobs anyway.
Thanks.
DEENA:
Who do youhave in there anyway?
I didn't even
hear you come in.
Oh, I'm with that Australian
surfer with the neck tattoos.
Ooh! Checkmate!
What about you?
Who do you have in there?
Uh...
Beet face.
You're having
anonysex with a guy
you met in
DEENA:
I already told himhe couldn't stay over
'cause I got to get
up early to write.
Oh, totally.
God, where is that stash?
I know it's somewhere.
Oh! Found them!
There's only one left.
How did that happen?
We just bought these!
Dibs!
I'm ovulating!
What?
It's true!
I never work out
on the fifteenth day
of my cycle because
I get pains in my side,
and if you remember correctly, Kim,
I did not work out yesterday.
What? What am I supposed to do?
Raw dog a random?
Don't be a douche nozzle!
(SIGHS)
Pull and pray, baby!
MARC:
All right, Kim, wereyou gonna do me, or what?
(HIP-HOP MUSIC
PLAYING ON RADIO)
(INAUDIBLE)
Three o'clock, dude.
That sleaze weasel's
eyegasming all over your face.
Really?
Yeah.
He I
Hi! Y"
Stoplights, huh?
Yeah. Stoplights.
I love them. (GIGGLES)
So do we.
It's crazy!
Crazy.
I'm Ivan and this
is my friend, Ivan.
Well, hello, lvans.
Hello.
So, we're headed to this little
party up in the hills this evening.
Why don't you
give us the details?
(BABY CRYI NG)
Is it too much to ask
for a date with a guy
other than the one
I gave birth to?
Oh, come on.
Where is my friend who shares
my mutual suffering
of high self-esteem?
KIM:
She smells like milk,puke and diaper ointment.
Oh, hey, Billy, will you come
help me with Max's stroller?
Sure, Kim.
Okay. There you go.
Thank you.
(BILLY GRUNTS)
Hey!
Hey.
I found a job on Craigslist
that pays $150 an hour.
It's called Naked
Human Sushi Platters.
I start tomorrow.
You want the details?
Laura, I love you, but raw fish?
Lefsleave
the Lord out of this.
Oh, God.
Hey! I found a job on Craigslist
that pays $150 an hour.
It's called Naked
Human Sushi Platters.
I start tomorrow.
You want the details?
No, I think I'm good.
Oh, Dr. Katie's on.
DEENA:
Did you sayDr. Katie's on?
Hi, buddy.
As a sexpert, I recommend regular
sex once a week, at least.
If you can't procure sex,
visit your gynecologist,
and he can suggest
certain solutions.
(MAX VOMITS)
Oh! Oh!
BOTH:
Ew!Max, my favorite shirt!
Baby puke is pretty
much just breast milk.
Just hand me the napkins.
I saw Kelly Ripa
eat breast-milk cheese
on LIVE! the other day,
with a pickle on it.
That's disgusting.
It also comes in dolphin,
bear, monkey and worms.
Worms? Ew.
Laura, it is so weirdly hypocritical
that you watch this stuff.
It's like an anorexic
watching Top Chef.
Make fun of me all you want
for being a virgin,
okay, but at least
you'll never hear me say,
"I had sex with some guy last
night and he didn't call me,"
or "I got pregnant again,"
or "I got chlamydia."
Ooh! Snap.
Ask your insurance provider
if they'll cover this-
(VIBRATING)
(ECHOING)
You need it, Kim.
Oh, I really need to
get more sleep.
(WHIRRING)
Hey.
Hey!
I made this for you.
Thank you.
You are saving my life.
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Citation
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"L!fe Happens" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 9 Mar. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/l!fe_happens_12076>.