Kummeli Stories

Synopsis: The war between Luxembourg and Finland sets the outline to a set of comedic stories about a rally team, gay couple's fishing trip, two hoodlums' last school days in the spring and a haunted hotel among others.
Genre: Comedy, Musical, Sport
90 min

Timo, hey.


Could you turn on the projector?

-It's on

Where those hairs come from?

Again there's one on the lens

I don't know.

-Red hair

And it's curly.

-It's your erogenous hair

It's not, it's armpit hair

It is your penis hair,

blow it away

Good evening

Finnish trucker Reino Laakso -

has ended up in open conflict -

at Luxembourg's border station

A truck full of carrots has been -

denied entry to

the country by the customs

with too weak arguments

according to Laakso

Here're some great carrots

for Luxembourgians

(German gibberish)

What is loss?

Here's the car papers

Filthy car

Oh damn. You see, for 20 years -

I have done this work

and one thing I've learned -

is that to never give up

If need to deliver carrots to

Luxembourg I'm going to finish it


Laakso's numerous contact attempts -

have been shrugged off

by Luxembourg's government

It's so that you can keep the carrots

Finland's EU-Commissioner

Erkki Liikanen disapproves -

both Laakso's and

Luxembourg goverment's actions

I think, I have to,

with this note -

touch my arse

I see

Luxembourgian ministers

have performed -

rituals that dishonor Finnishness

Klaus, just look.

-Good job

Finnish government has given

Luxembourg goverment -

an ultimatum. If profanity

doesn't come to an end -

Finland threatens

to adopt further secret measures


-Moth has cocooned

Fox acknowledges

Listen up, it's best now

that girls go home

What? I haven't got anything yet

And Jari as well

Open, open away

Pirjo, could you

hand over those forceps


Open, open, open


-Moth has cocooned

Hare acknowledges

Ilmo, Ilmo, you have a call


Lynx acknowledges

Mom, I must go now

-Oh my goodness

So this is what it meant when my

buttocks began to tickle terribly

Boy goes to war

Ilmo, Ilmo, I brought

you some lunch box

Oh you, mom

Don't worry about me,

I take care of myself

I'll be back by the hay-making

-So said you father -

and he only went to deliver

milk churns, never returned

Captain Rankkanen,

captain Rankkanen -

your suit has arrived

from washing

At ease







Cigarette man is always cigarette man

Your mission -

is to strike enemy's living

and materialistic force -

everywhere in the areas

that they are ruling

This mouse-shit here

is Luxembourg -

An area about the size of Forssa.

Know that -

even at this very moment they

are fucking us pretty harshly

It's the end now!

The mission will be accomplished

quickly and efficiently -

after which you will exit the area

according to your own judgment

Air Force will transport you

to the enemy's airspace

At 19:
30 your parachutes

will open, any questions?

Check your clocks


And remember!

Today the shit rang here too

and called me gay

Even if I was gay -

there's no need to tell it to me

Oh Sibelius,

oh, Juha Mieto...



Dear passengers, prepare

to jump in 30 seconds

Weather is beautiful

at Luxembourg, but partly cloudy

Captain Rantala and crew

wish a successful jump

The most important is that

we were not detected

It's only an advantage

Have to burrow.

-And fast

Watch out, right side

Don't recall me,

I take care of my plot

This is quite rally

No boys, rally is

something very different

He has bought some

random tires worth 50 marks -

from some junkyard

When Stefa installs it's precise.

-As always

There's no time to lose now.

-As always


What, what?

It's fun to have spot check here

It's joy to give you fines

Radar stops you,

it stimulates us

Here's the end of your ride

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Heikki Hela

Heikki Hela (born 19 July 1964 in Aitolahti) is a Finnish entertainer, actor and musician, best remembered for his role in the early 1990s hit show Kummeli and his hit song "Uneton Yö", featured on his debut album, Kaikista Kaikkein. Since then, he has recorded three more albums (Kaksi Maailmaa, Lauantain Toivotut Levyt and se tulee läpi), along with playing numerous roles in Kummeli spinoff films and other titles such as the comedy film Kahlekuningas (Handcuff King). He has had two singles, "Uneton Yo" was number four in 1994 and "Naisen Hymy was number seven in 1999, and one album, Heikki Hela was number three in 19994, in the Finnish top ten.He has been married to Mari Posti since 1996 and they have two children. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Kummeli Stories" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 23 Oct. 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/kummeli_stories_12033>.

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