Kindergarten Cop 2

Synopsis: Assigned to recover sensitive stolen data, a gruff FBI agent goes undercover as a kindergarten teacher, but the school's liberal, politically correct environment is more than he bargained for.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Don Michael Paul
  2 wins & 6 nominations.
100 min


I just don't know

if I can do this.

You can do it.

We can do it.

What if he finds us?

I can protect you.

Look, you need to trust me.

You deserve to be

with someone who loves you.

Not someone who controls you.

Okay, come on, we need to hurry.


Alexander. This isn't

what it looks like...

You betrayed me.

I will deal with you later.

And this...

This is the object

of your affection.

Frankly, I don't see it.

Don't do this, Zogu.

Any last words?




What is this "pineapple"?

It's a delicious fruit.

I know it's delicious...

You are an imbecile,

you know that?

I grant you your last words

and you give me

pineapple nonsense.

What is this?

Well, pineapple, it's the...

It's the code word

for the raid order.

Don't even think about it.


You're under arrest, Zogu.

Racketeering, wire fraud,

money laundering,

and I'm sure we'll think up

some other stuff

like trying to kill me

and slapping women around.

And extremely bad cologne.

This is only the beginning,

my friend.

I'm not your friend.

Get him out of here.

You're FBI?

I'm sorry.

You okay, dude?


Couldn't think of something

better than pineapple?

You know I love pineapple, man.

It's my favorite fruit.

Dude, you look like

you need a drink.

It's on me. Come on,

let's get out of here.

Let's go.

Let's get out of here.

Come on, man,

you did good in here.

You like the way I bust in the door?

Wasn't it gangster?


How was your date last night?

It wasn't a date, grandpa.

No one dates anymore.

It was a hookup.

Oh, it was a booty call.

You know, I've got a theory,

you wanna hear it?




Hey, you know,

you haven't been in

any serious relationship

since Katja.

I think you're still

in love with her.

Excuse me, I was never in love with Katja.

I was undercover.

I was acting.

Oh. Okay,

you were acting.

Well, you know, sometimes,

these kind of assignments

can blur the lines, Romeo.

Why're you busting my chops?

Trial's next week.

Katja's gonna be

there to testify.

You're not a little

excited to see her?

And what? Settle down

with Zogu's mistress

in the witness

protection program?

Live in Arizona

for the rest of my life?

No, thanks, I'm good.


That did not just happen.

That's karma, bro.

That is perfect karma.


The vending machine gods want you

to be honest about your feelings.

Calm down. I'll give

you another dollar.

That's not the point. This machine

owes me a goddamn Twix bar.


Agent Reed!

What are you doing?


Were you about to shoot

that vending machine?

No, of course not.

That's good to hear.

Because that's something

only a crazy person would do.

A crazy person

without a job.


Jason Flaherty, 29,

arrested following a car crash where

your brother Kevin died, huh?

What am I doing here?

What does the FBI care about

a stupid traffic accident?

Valmir Krasniqi and Sokol Pula,

lieutenants in the Zogu

crime syndicate.

Never heard of them.

Well, they've heard of you.

I got 20 different

traffic cams telling me

they were following

you that day.

Maybe they wanted to

borrow some Grey Poupon.

Let's cut him loose.

Yeah, yeah, we made a mistake.

You sure about that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He doesn't know anything

about the Albanians.

We'll just keep an eye on him

and when Zogu kills him for stealing

his Wi-Fi or whatever he did,

maybe we'll get lucky

with the forensics.

Fair enough.

I say we get his dental records

'cause Albanians

always burn the body.

I'll have O'Connell take a mold.

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David H. Steinberg

David H. Steinberg is a writer, director, and producer for film and television. He wrote the screenplays for American Pie 2, Slackers, National Lampoon's Barely Legal, American Pie Presents: The Book of Love and The Simpsons. more…

All David H. Steinberg scripts | David H. Steinberg Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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