Killing Bono Page #3

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rock sensations The Hype,

still sweaty from

a blistering live show.

So, boys, tell us. Where do you see

The Hype in say five years time?

Five years?

The Hype'll be history.

- What?

- What?

What?

Why? You boys

were f***ing amazing tonight.

You said that this was what

you wanted to do forever, like.

- Yeah.

- It is.

So we're changing our names

to something good.

Oh?

You're looking at U2.

U2?

U2?

That is so...

...shite!

Thank you, Neil.

I didn't want to say it.

It sounds like a bleeding submarine.

- And we're changing our names.

- What?

Dave wants to be known as The Edge.

What, like, Edge Evans or Dave Edge?

Just The Edge.

The edge of what?

And from now on, he's Bono.

- Bono?

- Bono!

Bono?

Yeah, yeah, it's good, it's good.

I could be... Biro.

- I could be The Hedge.

- Stop taking the piss.

At least I'm not the one jumping

up and down on stage wearing these.

- Would you look at the state of him?

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You f***ing poser.

He likes 'em. He likes 'em.

# Dreams are making a mess of me

# They say I'm like a ghost

but they don't understand

# I'm the haunted not the haunting

# I need to get some peace

# I'm walking in my sleep #

If I'm honest, Neil, I don't get

half the stuff you sing about.

Your lyrics are a bit weird, Neil.

Well, next you'll be telling me

that Bob Dylan's weird.

Is Bob Dylan weird, is he?

Or Leonard Cohen?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, very weird.

Ah, nice of you to swing by.

Who needs a lead guitar anyway?

Check this out.

- What the f***?

- Look at it.

- It's really real.

- Just watch the corners.

It's really happening for the boys.

- Oh, my God.

- Take it easy with it.

Yeah, but Rolling Stone magazine

reckons it's pretty mediocre.

Oh, man. This could have been

my first album.

In your dreams, man.

No, I was nearly in the band.

No, you weren't.

You stood in Larry's kitchen once.

That's his great claim to fame.

Well, at least I auditioned for them,

Neil. That's more than you ever did.

Where'd you get this anyway?

- Oh, I bumped into Bono.

- What?

Down at The Vinyl Frontier.

- I played him our demo.

- Great.

So now he'll pinch all my lyrics

for his next album, will he?

He reckons he can get us signed.

- Signed?

- Signed, signed.

- What?

- Yes!

We can get out of

this bleeding garage, boys.

And you wanna follow

in their footsteps?

No. We are not playing

catch up with U2.

Not now. Not ever.

We'll do this our own way.

And we will get our own deal.

Well, hang on. I don't see

that happening here, Neil.

Yeah, well, I can make it happen.

Yeah, when?

Where are you going?

I just told you.

To make it happen.

Jesus.

Jesus, it's the U2 f***ing fanzine

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