Kill Theory Page #3

All right, I'm gonna follow her.

- Assuming that that's possible.

- That's my man.

Attaboy.

Oh, my God.

Would you get a room, you two? Man.

Let's go upstairs after this

and get away from everybody.

- Well, you know I'm doing the toast thing.

- So, do it.

- I'll do it later.

- I brought the handcuffs.

Everyone, listen up.

Since we're all about to graduate and most

of us will be in different cities next year,

I figured a toast was in order.

Not a bad idea.

Jennifer, I don't think I ever told you this.

But all of us were so psyched

when you came along,

because the girl

that Mikey was dating before you...

- No, leave it alone.

- What?

- Boy! Take it.

- You f***er.

- What about her?

- Let's just say

she had freakishly short arms.

T. Rex. "Mikey, I can't reach your pants.

Mikey."

Thanks for bringing it up. I appreciate it.

I can't believe I'm about to admit this,

but first time I ever saw you

was at Shamrock's.

You were wearing that little white top

with those jeans with the tear

in the perfect spot.

- Easy access.

- Oh, my God.

And all I remember is just being

incredibly nervous

because I knew I had to come up

and talk to you. I just... I had to.

But I had no idea what to say.

I guess what I'm really trying to say

is that it's been a great four-year ride.

And I just want all of you to know that

I couldn't have traveled it

with better people.

- I mean that.

- F***, yeah.

Love you guys.

- Yeah, absolutely.

- Cheers.

I just teared up. I just teared up a little.

- Whoa, hold the phone.

- Cheers.

I know I didn't go to school with you guys,

but can I add something...

- Absolutely.

...anyway? Is that cool?

- Please.

- Sure?

Thanks. Aye, here's to my fast bike,

fast men

and getting bent sideways with a bunch

of f***ing yuppie college motherfuckers.

- Yes, salud.

- We're all high.

Let's get more.

- Let's do this.

- Then the wine.

- The more, the merrier.

- We gotta drink that.

Who sh*t in my shot glass?

- You like that "to kill ya"?

- It tastes like old-man urine.

I got you. I got you.

- Go soft, baby.

- No.

- You are so f***ing beautiful.

- And I'm so f***ing lucky.

And I've seen enough.

It's on, mama.

You got a one-way ticket south

before we go there, okay, babe?

All right, you saucy little minx.

Baby?

What the f*** did you do, man?

- What just happened?

- I didn't do anything! Help me move her.

- What the hell?

- What the f*** happened?

Just f***ing move her. F***!

My God, you motherf***er!

Baby!

What the f***? Is that f***ing...

- Are you f***ing kidding me?

- Oh, my God.

- What happened?

- We gotta call someone.

Oh, my God. Oh, my f***ing God.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

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