Kelly and Cal


Come in.

- Hi, Mama.

How you doing?

Hanging in there?


Okay, go ahead and lay back.

And scoot down.

All right, let's see

how we're healing up.

Where's the little one?

Home with Daddy?


Enjoying motherhood so far?


- Any bleeding, hemorrhoids,

or itching?

Um, no.

- Good.


Well, incision's

healing up great.

Everything looks dandy

down there.

All clear for whoopee,

not that most women

are raring to go at six weeks.

Uh, birth control?

- Somehow I don't think we'll be

needing that right away.

- Yeah,

I've heard that one before.

Just had one in here

with a 2-month-old

and pregnant again.

Sound like your idea

of a good time?

So, you know, have fun,

but play it safe.

Any other questions?


Okay, good to see you.

Bye, now.

- I don't... I don't know why

he's fussing.

You want me to change him?

I already did that.

I don't know

what his problem is.

- Here.

Bring him to me.

I'll take him.

Come here.

Hey, there, buddy.

- I got my six-week checkup


- Yeah, that's right.

How'd that go?


The doctor said we could

get back to business,

if you know what I mean.


You up for that?

I am if you are.

Well, you know, I just figure

you're so tired with the baby

and everything.

Josh, we haven't had sex

in six months.

- Right, right.

No need to rush.

Hey, what are you...

Do I disgust you?


No, of course not.

- Is it because

I have stretch marks now?

Am I just gross to you?

- You are perfect

exactly the way you are.


I'm serious.

- Then why don't you stop

jerking off

and f*ck your wife?


Oh, for Christ sake.

Oh, you're so sexy.

Oh, God.






What time are you gonna be

home tonight?

Uh, it's hard to say.

They are really killing us

this week.

But, um, I'll do my best.



- You supposed to be smoking,


None of your f*cking business.

- Do you mind if I have one?

One of your...

Thank you.

Do you have a light?

- What, do you want me

to light it for you?

Would you mind?

Thank you.

I'm Cal, by the way.

I'm Kelly.

Nice to meet you.

Your kid is crying, Kelly.

I know.

The whole f*cking neighborhood

can hear him cry.

- So you just gonna let him

cry it out?

Cry it out?

It's called Ferberizing...

when they cry and...

- Right, right, I think I heard

of Ferberizing.

I'm sure you have.

No, I'm not kidding.


Cool smoke rings.

You have great tits.

Excuse me?

- Little Junior in there

should be more grateful.

- I don't know who you are,

but you should not...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, relax.

I was just trying to give you

a compliment, like, uh...

Get away from my house.

- Well,

draw the freakin' curtains

if you don't want

the whole neighborhood

to watch you breastfeed.

- If you don't leave,

I will call the cops.

Okay, okay, okay.


Ciao, mamacita.

Oh, f*ck.

- That's some opening line,

you know?

"Nice tits. "

I feel like such an asshole.

- Why?

Kid's a Peeping Tom.

- I know, but he's kind of

the first real person I've met

since we've moved here.

- Oh, so he gets a free pass

because he's in a wheelchair?

- No, I just shouldn't have

snapped at him.

He's a perv.

- Well, at least

someone's looking.

I'm looking.

It's just hard

to think of your boobs like that

when they're Jackson's

food supply right now.

- Wow, since you put it

like that...

Know what you should do?

Take the baby on a stroll.

Explore the neighborhood

a little bit.

You know, a little exercise.

Get the endorphins going.

- Sure, I'm exhausted,

I can barely get dressed,

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"Kelly and Cal" STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 16 Oct. 2019. <>.

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