Kaboom

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It's always the same dream

I'm wandering Naked

In this strange Maze of hallways

And I feel this creeping sense

Of impending doom

Like something terrible's

About to happen

I pass my roommate

My Mom

My best friend Stella

Basically every significant

person in my life

And they're all just staring at me

Like I'm some kind of museum display

Behind glass

Then I see two people

I've never met before

A mysterious unearthly

Beautiful woman

And this red-haired girl

And they both seem to be

Leading me deeper into the corridor

This is when I noticed

A black door

And I'm not sure why

But somehow I know that I've gotta

Find out what's behind it

So I grabbed hold of the knob

Opened the door and discovered

A dumpster

I've had the same bizarre

F*cking dream

Every night since I moved into

The dorms last week

So now I'm wide awake

And, being 18 and perpetually horny

Anytime I have 5 idle minutes

My right hand automatically

Takes over

Like it's got a will of its own

Sorry

I'm just trying to be quiet

It's too hot to sleep anyway

How's the party?

Rad

I'm wasted

Nice

You should've come with us, dude

Everyone got crumped

Took their clothes off

Swam

The water was so warm

Mind if I sit?

Can I ask you something?

Sure

- You're like gay, right?

Uhhh, I'm more Undeclared

What's it like exactly?

I imagine it's different from

Being with a girl

It's way different

It's more...

Raw

Physical

I mean, cause you're intimately familiar

With plumbing,

There's less mystery and guesswork

Like,

You know exactly what to do...

And how it feels

Do you like, Kiss and stuff?

Of course

I've never...

Y'know,

Kissed another guy before

Well, it's pretty f*cking awesome

My roommate...

Plough me

Plough me with your monstrous tool!

So, yeah

I have an excruciatingly

Hot, straight roommate

Wassup I'm Thor

Like the comic Yup!

And his name really is Thor

As in the superhero

God of Thunder

With the giant hammer

I sleep naked

I hope that doesn't weird you out

It's a perpetual torture

Plus of course he's a surfer,

Dumb as a box of rocks

AKA, exactly my type

I'm like really into Gran Turismo 5

And before that I was into SOCOM

And oh yeah!

Killzone!

I get with guys sometimes

Sexually I mean

And also, I like to surf

Do you surf, dude?

The guy sounds like a f*cking asstard

My partner-in-crime

Stella

Stella and I first met

way back in 9th Grade

I refuse to do this assignment

Cause you're

A sexist loser who has no f*cking clue

What you're talking about

Are you sure it's not straight love Or in

love with another oblivious boy fixation?

It's just that I'm not sure

How straight Thor really is

You said he was putting a load

In some pinhead stryer last night

Yeah, but doing it with women

Doesn't necessarily make him straight

Case in point

The fact that you randomly sometimes

Stick it in a girl does not mean anything

Beyond you

Need to monitor your drinking

Here we go

Now he's your typical straight guy, right?

When it comes to sloppiness, and manners

And scratching his balls

In public

Or like eating half a piece of pizza

On someone's coffee table

However, he also does

Stuff like that...

He wears deodorant every single day

And he exfoliates every night

Religiously, with one of those vibrating

Derma-brasion things

Plus, he's a little too

Into his own body

Like beyond a normal

Straight guy who works out

Admiring his self kinda way

Are we done?

No

I saved the weirdest thing for last

He wears flip flops like

Almost everyday, right?

Very hetero, very dude, choice

Except for the fact

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