Just Around The Corner Page #3

Synopsis: In the not to distant future the globe has warmed and the economy has collapsed. James fleet plays his usual buffoon self, and James Bolam plays his usual cantankerous old geezer. In this pilot, where floods keep depositing bodies and the local war Lord (who is a lady) goes round pinching other girls boy friends, tries to get our hero (Fleet) to teach her new "friend" to read. This was a little hit and miss, but with Andy Hamilton at the tiller, and Sanjeev Bhaskar as the neighbour, I have hopes that it will get better.
Production: Virgil Films
 
IMDB:
6.7
Year:
2012
23 min
18 Views


Oh...

Why can't they stay in Holland?!

Because there is no Holland,

there's just the top of a hill

near what was once Eindhoven.

Well, what sort of race is stupid

enough to have a country

below sea level.

I mean it's just asking for it!

I don't believe this.

"Oh, our country's not big enough,

we must build an extension

"out there on the sea. We are tall

and blond, everything will be fine."

I'm sorry, duchess,

I love you to death

but I can't bear the thought of you

with some dyke monkey.

Well, actually, that went

a bit better than I expected.

Don't forget to worm the goat!

What the...

Oh! Course, it's Tuesday.

- Some nice homemade fudge? Songs for food!

- We sing songs for food,

a sweet song for a sweet potato,

a salad for a ballad.

Thousands of English boys out there,

and she has to chose a cloggy.

Oh, actually the C word's

a bit offensive, so...

Some poxy little tulip-muncher.

So's that.

Listen, Mick, just go a bit easy,

because she likes this boy

and I think it'll be good

for her confidence

which has been a bit

shaky ever since her mum...

Dumped us for that rich git.

Well, I wouldn't put it

quite like that.

Well, she dumped us,

he's rich and he's a git.

Look, Granddad.

Says he's English.

You better get Delia a present.

Eh?

As an apology.

I can't believe you

didn't go to that party.

- Well, I...

- Madness.

He decided not to go.

Yes, on ethical grounds.

Oh, Jesus, not the ethical bollocks.

Well, some of us...

I thought after Bono was

eaten by those Ethiopians

I wouldn't have to listen

to that sh*t any more!

- Yes, well some of us feel...

- Can't hear, bad ear.

Some of us feel that morally...

Do you think we should run?

Run? No.

We're not criminals,

we're upright citizens...

Actually, yeah, let's run.

Those windmill bunnies - they'll

give her all sorts of diseases.

Oh, for...

Cholera,

yellow fever, Dutch elm disease...

No, Mick, that's trees. Look...

Here, want to buy some

crocodile skin shoes?

Have you got some?

Not yet.

No, naughty!

I mean, what have cloggies

ever given us?

Porn, Dutch caps

and one-eared painters.

I'm warning you,

you'll stink of herrings.

She will not stink of herrings!

You won't stink of herrings.

Why don't you say something?

Because he doesn't leave any gaps.

Listen, you have a voice,

so use it.

You need to stand up

and assert yourself, you need...

Oh, bloody hell!

Excuse me, excuse me...

How come the body's

on our side of the fence?

Is there one there too?

Yes, it's the same body.

No, that's not the old body.

I took that up the dump.

This is a different body.

Look, he's wearing a mac.

The face is the same.

But look,

this one hasn't got a moustache.

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Andy Hamilton

Andrew Neil Hamilton (born 28 May 1954) is a British comedian, game show panellist, television director, comedy screenwriter, radio dramatist, and novelist. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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